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I love you.
I live via you.

Thank you for this gift;
Thank you for this opportunity;
Thank you for this vessel.

Sometimes,
I feel I am not worthy,
yet, here I am:
challenged
by who I am.

'T'is my task
to learn
and to grow
from, with and through
who I am.

Each day
allots a fresh start.

Wisdom lies dormant
within everything;
Be sensitive to it's subtlety.
Written after meditating in the sun yesterday afternoon.
Upon further review,
my subconscious has decided
that it is not so simple
as to be up to One
to chose One's [artistic] medium:

Music and Language are not my mediums,
I am a Medium for Music and Language.

It is not so much that One works within the medium of One's choice,
as it is that the medium made One the Medium of it's choice.

Skill, practice, patience and self-discipline;
steer One towards a certain medium,
help One be more receptive to a certain medium,
and make One a more fitting Harbinger of the medium,
so in time:

As One immerses oneself in a medium,
the medium envelops One in return.
One becomes one with the medium,
One is now a Medium.
Sort of a play on words, but also seems true.

Medium here could mean 'psychic' or 'a kind of artistic technique or means of expression', depending on the context.
The Gods are Energies. We are adrift in a vast ocean of omnidimentional Energies.
Be meek, but not a doormat.
Aye, there's the rub.
"Hard work puts you
where good luck can find you."
Don't blame the Troll
when the Trollbait is so prime.
Only the non-deliberate Trollbait, of course.
Melatonin is a conduit,
a flux for regeneration;
an endocrine neurohormone
that really only likes to secrete
when the Eyes are not stimulated;

that is to say
Sleep and Meditation
in this way
are Medicine of the Body.

Sleep more;
******, Self!
Sleep more.
If not, at least
Meditate more.
Memories
are scarification
of the Mind;

Some scars are natural,
others are artifacts
of who One can be
at One's very best
as well as
absolute worst.

I find
beauty, wonder
bewilderment
and even
enlightenment
can be found,
even in that darkness,
even in that light;
even though, at times,
it's one hell of a fight.
One, willing to change,
experiences many lives
before their mortal shell
ceases to function.

A coward, however,
experiences perhaps one.
**** your harsh judgements
**** your blind predispositions.
**** all these emotions and
**** all this dissonance.

First you must define yourself
then you must refine yourself
but lest ye ever confine yourself
you must learn to realign yourself.

If you never look around you
you'll never see where you are.
If you never know where you are
you'll never be able to find your way.

**** this assumption that I'm in control
**** this stream of consciousness; it's a black hole.
**** all these words I cannot think to say
I'm so sick of trying. So sick of caring. So sick of being. So sick of giving.

**** all this ****; I wish it all away.
Though if it were away, I'd never be here to say:
"I love this life,
but at the same time,
**** this life."
"I've had
a good bit of wine,
two beers,
three shots of *****
and I'm slightly drunk, as well,
so, if I **** with you,
know it's not personal;
it's just convenient."
It is not wanted that we realize
we've had our spiritual remedy
within ourselves all along
27.2.15
I find that many of my writings
seem to revolve around a sort-of
argument of definition.

That isn't to say
that I agree with a dictionary,
but that I establish my own
connotations and interpretations:

words are but tools, spells;
as long as two people agree on what they mean,
the magic can happen.
Based on a write in my pocket notebook, writ with a calligraphy pen.
I
want to
write more things
that use this sequence.
Symmetrical, rhythmic pattern:
First one, then two, then three, then five,
ultimately eight,
then falling
back to
one.
I grow intolerant
of my own intolerance!

Something in me seeks to change.
sort-of falls in line with
a certain sense of humour;
a certain need for extravagantly epic Music;

Truest of Metal
is an extension, an expression,
of the disciplines of:
Practice, Patience, and Study
in the realm of Music
as well as whatever Instrument;
some of it is, indeed, simply noise
but, then again,
Music is but ordered noise,
is it not?

I see little separation
from Classical and Metal;
though Classical came first
Metal learned what works and why
from what came before;
a sort-of Musical evolution
a sort-of Cognitive evolution
a sort-of inspiration;

Metal music has great potential,
Metal is akin to Blues and Jazz
Metal is akin to Spanish Classical Guitar
Metal is akin to Baroque styles
Metal is akin to Gregorian chants
as well as rhythmic elements
derived from the Music
of various Cultures and Tribes
worldwide.

Metal
is a moderately tongue in cheek
melting ***
for lots of styles,
and, honestly,
lots of Drugs,
such as :alcohol and nicotine
and high-energy Music;

Truest of Metal
is an Art and a Science,
and, to some,
even a Religion.
Writ while listening to the following with my roomates:

Death, Live in Eindhoven:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UtsduQ9aBY

Extracurricular:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4GZFbCqx18 <-- Hot for Teacher - Van Halen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM__lPTWThU <-- Painkiller - Judas Priest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9AbeALNVkk <-- We're Not Gonna Take it - Twisted Sister
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI3KMGHWjvo <-- Jambi - Tool
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-txTXQKVA8 <-- The *** - Tool
Painkiller** by Judas Priest (Glenn Tipton)
and later covered by Death (Chuck Schuldiner)
-
Faster than a bullet
Terrifying scream
Enraged and full of anger,
he's half man and half machine.
Rides the metal monster,
breathing smoke and fire,
closing in with vengeance soaring high

He is the Painkiller!
This is the Painkiller!

Planets devastated,
mankind's on it's knees.
A savior comes from out the skies
in answer to their pleas.
Through boiling clouds of thunder,
blasting bolts of steel,
evil's going under,
deadly wheels!

He is the Painkiller
This is the Painkiller

Faster than a laser bullet,
louder than an atom bomb,
chromium plated boiling metal,
brighter than a thousand stars!
Flying high on rapture
Stronger free and brave,
nevermore encaptured.
They've been brought back from the grave
With mankind ressurrected,
forever to survive,
returns from Armageddon to the skies!

He is the Painkiller
This is the Painkiller
Wings of steel Painkiller
Deadly wheels Painkiller
Judas Priest original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM__lPTWThU
Death's cover: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8By9DnqCHac

Chuck Schuldiner and Glenn Tipton are Gods of the Metal.
What have you accomplished today?

If the answer eludes you,
perhaps you burn too much Life
without really going anywhere
with such precious fuel.

Seek that each and every day
you better your future Self
by shedding your Past Self
and metamorphosing.
I do not regret
who I once was,
it led me to who I am now.

Though I don't regret
my older selves,
I'm happy I've metamorphosed.
Philosophy is a way of thinking.
It is a way of thinking that thinks about itself.
Philosophizing about philosophy is Metaphilosophy.

The capacity for metaphilosophy
is not a thing to be squandered:
it is an internal system of checks and balances,
which itself is subject to corruption by Ego and Shadow.
Your Physical Self
is not your only Self.

Your Physical Self
is not your only Self
enduring Growing Pains;

it seems that One's Spiritual Self
must either accept what is and learn and move on;
or be humbled
over and over
and over,
and over
again.

You are not alone in your Body;
Your body is a balance of trillions of Aspects:
from the microscopic to the psychologic
to the perhaps physically transcendent;
each Aspect of One's Self must undergo
a period of humbling we've come to call
"Growing Pains"
Pursue
Happiness,
even unto thy dying breath,
or,
surrender to it's absence.

If it means enough to you,
you will suffer to attain it,
regardless of consequence.
Neither because it's fair,
or because it's necessary,
but because it's worth it,
and nothing shy shall satiate.
There is Space away from Space
and Time away from Time.
A Reality unto it's own: abstract;
The Reality of Mind.
I find the topics
upon which One chooses
to write and reflect
are, themselves, reflections
of the Mind
of the Mirror.
"Try as I might,
I can't seem to find
where it all stops and I begin.
I'll take that as a sign
that this is an artifact of Mind.

Call it God, I suppose; path of lesser resistance.

In a philosophical rainstorm, any name'll do."
You say that you don't know who I really am.
I say that I can only reflect my inner self,
that I cannot directly show you myself
for even my "internal" self is simply a
reflection of perhaps my truer/truest self.

You can only ever see reflections.
You can feel, though not through your senses,
what is being reflected, but nonetheless
our mutual reality is one of reflections and
interpretations. Subjectivity. Flux.

You can  never know who I am, but don't worry
because I'm nearly certain that I can't either.
I can, however, clean the mirrors a bit from time to time.
You say that you don't know who I really am.
I say that I can only reflect my inner self,
that I cannot directly show you myself
for even my "internal" self is simply a
reflection of perhaps my truer/truest self.

You can only ever see reflections.
You can feel, though not through your senses,
what is being reflected, but nonetheless
our mutual reality is one of reflections and
interpretations. Subjectivity. Flux.

You can  never know who I am, but don't worry
because I'm nearly certain that I can't either.
I can, however, clean the mirrors a bit from time to time.
One of my first submissions to Hello Poetry. Revisited.
Who so ever said:
"Aim for the Moon, even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars"
had clearly not pondered the logistics
of such miscalculation.
Why is it
that, all too often,
one page of text
seems to be
far too much,
whereas brevity
can be
unfulfilling?

I'm not pointing my finger,
except, perhaps, at me;
I am simply reflecting
on patterns of tendency.
The only true Mistakes are those you repeat.
Without the Mystery
Without the struggle,
what's the point?

If it made sense,
Life would be useless.
Wisdom prepares when unseen.
Folly develops for all to see.
Yes, they overlap ;D
Stop and breathe; close thine Eyes.

You may begin to notice
the Momentum of your Mind,
pushing ever on
in any direction it can fathom.

Stop and breathe; close thine Eyes.

Learn to look inward
and how to recognize
the aspects of your Self
we so demonize;
and see how they can cooperate:
if we'd only seek to integrate,
if only they were shown some respect,
if only we knew to detect.

Slow down and learn to Yield
without being defeated;
Yielding and Defeat
are wholly separate things.

Slow down and bear witness to Within from Within,
for thy reality fractals outwards from thy Godself;

Learn to detect Godself
then you can see
how it is all,
yet is it no single thing:

Tao and Zen;
Simplistic Paradox.

Just let yourself be.
"Y'know what? **** it!"
he said, "I'm going to become
a Monk of Music."
... and people wonder how the world is so ******.
I am a conscientious objector
to this System's Ubiquitism
How magical the morning can be-
especially when you've yet to sleep!
https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xap1/t51.2885-15/e15/11327349_1013326785400060_823190283_n.jpg
I wish I woulda run in to you in that Mosh Pit last night;
certainly not in a bad way, but not necessarily in a good way, either.
Saying this sorta **** helps me get over my shyness as well as express my Shadow,
'cause I feel like it's far better to use a word than to hurt someone in the physical.
"Oedipal-*** sons of *******!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9BMcA8-4zo
You, who
called in this Thunder,
shall, now,
reap the whirlwind!
"..well,
I suppose that all depends on who
if, indeed, anyone,
One should ask."
It's funny
in a ****** up sort of way
how inspiration seems to strike
when you are least equipped to meet it head on,
such as just before drifting into sleep
or as you're running late when someone is counting on you.
You may notice this was posted at a time when most people in my time zone are sleeping.. gee ****.
Would you like some Opportunity?:
Make the Opportunity inopportune!
So paradoxical, can truth be!
The one day I don't set an alarm
that I may sleep in to my brain's volition
my mom barges into my bedroom just to make sure I'm okay.

While I appreciate the concern, how inconsiderate!
I've worked every day but today this week
and I work all weekend, as well;
plus, it's a habit to avoid sleep at night
(it's the only time I can get time to myself)
and besides, I'm twenty-*******-two;
I can handle myself, and if not;
natural selection will sort it out.

At least call my ******* phone first!
I may neglect my phone by your standards,
but that's because there's so much more to my life
than a ******* cell phone; if anything it's a plight
(or an alarm clock, but not today!)

Clearly she doesn't know I like to sleep naked.
Good thing I sleep with my curtain drawn, the music on, and lights off
(except my black light; it's an effective and badass night light)
Whether or not an idea is true or correct
is of lesser importance
than whether or not the notion
helps One to develop understanding.
Comprehension.

As it so happens,
the truth helps
but is not necessary
for people to draw conclusions
that mean something to them,
but, the problem is,
many of these conclusions are irrational.

Tread lightly
when it comes to the trails of smoke
you chose to follow.
I don't know how I feel about this one, but I have an urge to share it, so there you go.
If I must choose
'twixt Music and You,
I'm gonna choose
what make me need to.
[Western] Music is the dynamic interplay of Twelve with itself and Time;
Thirteen completes the octave;
Seven defines a standard scale,
Eight completes such a scale.

Seven is Six around One
Eight is Four times Two.
Fyve is the number if Life; four around One;

Four is Three around One
Three is One flanked Evenly

Two is what is become of One

One is where it all begins.
Music is my Meditation
"Why is that so powerful?"

"That's what it's all about.
Capturing that ******' moment of unabridged beauty in it's truest forms."

"Why is that so hard?"

"You're not thinking about this current 'now'."

"I never thought of it like that."

"The important thing is that you do now."


I improvised a T'ai Chi form and then a series of pilates/yoga-esque stretches and ended up in a lotus position and meditated for a moment and that all flowed thereafter.
It was ultimately unnecessary for me to write all this down because I've had that motif in my mind for ages now, but I wanted to share.
It was so powerful in the moment that it nearly brought me to tears, which was pretty cool, so I decided it was a sign.
So sue me. >;)

Much love, all. Thanks for reading.
Truly. You guys are alright by me. :)

Now.. time to write 'n play some
HEAVY ******' METAL! \m/
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6fUPaty58U
-
To whom it may concern;

https://soundcloud.com/apexparadigm/sets/phonogasm
Phonogasm is a set of music, some recent and some older, all by me.
Nine tracks, amassing to about 30 minutes of run time.

Thank you for your time,
as always.

Sincerely,
-A fellow creator
Shadow of the past,
echo of the future;
dedicated Musician,
a Phonomancer;
and inspired Philosopher,
a Philosomancer.

A Mystic and a Metalhead,
a lifetime Scholar and a self-Teacher;
a determined and self-guided mythic Artist,
a psychologist and an Observer;
I am a Lover, a Father, and a Son,
a homeowner and a Dishwasher,
a Friend and a bit of a stoner,
a social drinker and a fan of quality Spirits;
I am a self-contained Universe
contained within another Universe;
so fractal-esque.

There is much to this being I call "me"
and so little of it is visible
from the surface of my awareness;
so much of it falls within-
within the limitless void;
to be revealed only in Time,
and, to be unraveled by Time.

Discerning, yet reckless,
a wise man and a fool;
I find myself within,
and within myself,
a beautifully chaotic dance
of chaotically diverse energies.

Within:
the Spirit of a Renaissance Man;
Music, Geometry, Cosmology,
Mathematics, Statistics, Physics,
Mythology, Musicology, Psychology,
Masculine, Feminine, Canine, Feline,
Light, Dark, Day, Night, Sun, Moon,
Anthropology, Cooking, Dreams,
***, Love, Lust, and Suffering,
Spirituality, Science, Language,
Contrast, Respect, Individualist,
Intuition, Feeling, Understanding,
Action, Non-Action, Elation,
a bit of a Goth and a Hippie,
a Rocker and a Composer,
Haphazard Attention to Detail,
Conscious, Shadow, Subconscious,
Id, Ego, Super-Ego,
Animal, Human Being.
Alive.
Mortal.
Mortal,
and grateful for it.

An aspiring,
amateur Shaman
who "shows promise";
dabbling in Feng Shui,
the Occult,
T'ai Chi,
the Tao, Zen,
Music,
Art,
and Life;
a dilettante Poet;
I am an ephemeral expression,
a temporary microcosm,
of both the Human Spirit
and the very Universe
in which we occur,
if for but a brief,
beautiful,
fleeting,
moment.
Thanks to all of you who have, or will, accept my challenge:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/a-challenge-ye-friendly-fellows/
It has been an honor and a privilege to see the replies.
Here are some submissions I received:

The Noose:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/riot-grrrl/

Kelly Rose:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/portrait-of-self/

Tdudleyesquire:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-chameleon-4/
I wear many hats, as it were,
and among my favorites of them
is the one we call "Musician."

As a Musician,
silence is the canvas
upon which I paint;
sounds are the fibers
of which are woven tapestries.

What is played
is just as important, if not moreso,
as what is not played.

Rests, that is to say "silence,"
are very much akin to white paint, or negative space:
so very often totally overlooked, taken for granted, or seen as 'unfinished,'
a lack of command over the medium in question.

Yet, I find much the contrary:
keen use of such negative space
can imply so very much more discipline and expressive control
than gallon upon gallon of paint
can even begin to define.

I guess I'm just avant like that.
If brevity is impossible, you're yet a novice.
(Now, ponder Law)
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