it's been hours since you've left
and my heads still a mess
as i bend down
wipe your blood from the ground
i can still hear you say
"maybe we're better off this way."
you took your pillow
it was the only thing you wanted to keep
i haven't yet noticed
tonight there'll be no solace in sleep
when you closed the door i screamed
"i hate you!"
and i wish you could believe
that what i really meant to say was
"i'm sorry!
i love you!
please, don't leave!"
nothing but time left for reflection
what else could i do?
why can't things ever work out the way they're supposed to?
it hit me with the first light at dawn
maybe they did
and that was the real problem all along.

the paints all peeled and the rust has set in
a voice says "you've brought this on yourself"
but it's already a fading memory
"just one more chance," he thinks
"with what i know now."
if wishes were horses, more beggars would ride them
the water is thick, and cold
but he presses on
she said she'd prayed for peace
but he knew she'd prayed for plagues
he could only imagine
some say time heals all wounds
and sure, things had changed
but time had never taken the pain away
nothing did
he mutters, preaching purpose and love
sacrifice and blood
eventually the water reaches his lips
all dialogue becomes internal
"better off this way," he thinks
"i never wanted a child anyway"

You had started to really try
but I remember being done.
we were so touch and go
so volatile.
It’s not about the last time I saw you.
not about those years we never talked.
I still don’t know why I picked up
but you told me a time
a place
and it was enough
As you came through the room
the breath became collective
hanging like an icicle about to thaw and fall
I hoped you didn’t notice the shaking of my frame when we embraced. (To stand so tall, when in fact in ruins. Oh it was so like you.)
On my second drink, I asked if you were happy
If you could finally sleep the whole night through
If you ever thought of what could’ve become of me and you
the next morning I stood at the door
my hand resting on the **** that you’d just touched
I knew I would see you again
whether that be today
tomorrow
three years from now
and that's enough.

to go where angels fear to tread
glance down, my hands are covered in red
i must learn to control these feelings
before they destroy me.
(gargled six days with gasoline, and i still can taste the blood)

you weren't the first to fall
life can be unpredictable
what matters is that you stayed
when everyone else slipped away
so call me back home
i'm sick of wandering these streets alone
i've been feeling like half of a whole
crawling into bed alone
and every night i see you face
it seems so far away
i bend and stretch and climb
but fall short everytime
then i'm back in bed
your last whispers through my head
until again the sun goes down
and you come back around
(that night the blind man dreamt he was blind)

i remember you used to joke that you were the grace
and i was the fall
now i find myself stuck in a moment when i realized
you never really knew me at all
you don't recover from a night like this
the night is out of shooting stars
and i'm cursed with this one last wish
i have a terrible feeling i only died so i could haunt you
what is purpose without love?
sacrifice without blood?
go like christians to the lions
skip the trickle, bring the flood.

strange thoughts on another nervous night
and i find myself thinking of you as a time of day
that moment when the sun rests at its highest
and you trust it to never go away
but the feeling fads, just like the light i thought we'd made
now i'm reminding myself that each teardrop counts
as much as the ones that came before
and the ones that fall inevitably after
you're stuck on my mind
and i don't know how well i'll handle it this time
if i cant love you as a lover i'll love you as a friend
these memories keep me warm at night and safe until the end

my best friends
they all died
took a trip
to the other side
i get calls
on my phone
late at night
when i'm all alone
i hear laughter, i hear cries
no hellos, and no goodbyes
(and i am wishing i was with them)
she took the train
from that small town
tried to get up
only to fall back down
she's aware
that life's not fair
but it doesn't help
when no one cares
she took her life
on a stormy night
threw in the towel
gave up the fight
six months since she left
and i still don't feel right
(and i am wishing i was with her)
remember those times
that you ****** my friends
i swore it was over
you promised not to do it again
so i forgave
but results are the same
now you're alone too
no one's calling your name
but i'm alone too
and i'm staying up late
to sick to shout
to sad to hate
(and i am wishing that you were with us)
i don't have a heart, you just think i do. things will never be the same again.

you will die an outcast
at the hands of strangers
you will sense no danger
your last breath in this life
will be the first breath of the new
there's no way to see this coming
and there is nothing you can do
some will say it was too little, too late
but we both know it's just another bad diary day

awakened by a tapping at the window
the raven arrives on broken wing
he's reaching for relief
but she only wants to hear him sing
ignorance is a bliss she had failed to mention
left with nothing but time for reflection
so he sings the song he's sung
a thousand times before
and she listens for the thousandth time
always ready for one more
when he's done the glass slams in his face
his mirrored image staring back in her place
and so he tries to fly
but falls straight down
goodbye blue sky
hello unfamiliar ground
and if you see him
a ball of rotted flesh
know that he tried his best
and gave til none was left
felled not by a broken wing
but a broken heart

and i've been staying up too late
i'm too preoccupied to rest
i heard you want to try again
but i know there's nothing left
i've been picking at the scabs
of what was once my heart
i should of listened when you told me
it easiest to stop what you never start
the darkness gets beaten back
when your call lights up my phone
you want me to come out and talk
i just want to stay inside alone
and i hope i am strong enough to tell you on my own
that i'm sick of selfish games
all the ******* that you play
the promises you'll break tomorrow
of the lies you'll tell today
and sometimes i can still feel her
crawling beneath my skin
oh lord grant me the strength
please don't let her win.

i'm sick of broken mirrors
i'm sick of ****** noses
i'm sick of repeating myself
over and over and over
i'm sick of screaming myself hoarse
everything you think, we've already thought
everything you are, we've already bought

a woman grieves for what she's lost to this world.
said she's been having trouble sleeping, but he knows she's been sleeping fine.
old habits or wishful thinking?
maybe it's a sign, this song.
a hopeful sonnet despite the rain.
against a storm of thunder and of pain.
said she'd prayed for peace, but he knew she'd prayed for plagues.
and he can only imagine.

when it comes to the pain
you disassociate
the pleasure and the pain
never seperate
you're increasingly painting things in grey.
stop with all the anxious color!
bad memories of good times
you always said that you'd be fine
but when i came home that day
to find everything packed and put away
i begged you for closure
but you just brushed off your shoulder
and said that sometimes life works out that way
when i reached down
to wipe your blood from the ground
never thought i'd hear you say
maybe we're better off this way
(it's alright! it's okay! you'll be just fine!
just hold on, sit down, give it some time)
Please, remember my anger,
and how it lost me all i've ever wanted

its not perfect
but it dulls the pain
for a little while, anyways
she heard it was a fad
a phase
a bump in the road
time heals all wounds
remember?
these are some sick sad little rituals
she knew that things may change
but time would never take this pain away

do not ever worry
they are all a liar
perched high on the rooftop
preaching to the choir
hope is a waking dream
and i'm to terrified to sleep
with the machines beneath the sidewalk whispering
my heart will keep beating
as long as you keep on listening
dear lord, please spare her
send the bullet
send the plague
send the flood of every ocean
i'm sick of these broken mirrors
and ****** noses
i'd have to die to forget you

For a moment i was warm
and the world made sense
i could have laid there forever
and been done with all the rest
held captive but i'm no prisoner
god, grant me the strength reserved for the holiest of sinners
she said she'd help hold those words
that rested just above my head
lest i be crushed
under everything that i left unsaid
(against this even gods fight violently, in vain).