Carefully chosen words aimed at my heart.
Your cold eyes search for my weakness.
You find the crack in my armour and let loose your bow.
The arrows find my skin. Lightly at first, they mark me as their target.
My head says no, this is not me, your words will not cut me like you wanted.
Slowly, though, the words reach my heart.
My heart betrays me, it is there that you achieve your goal.
Another reason to doubt myself.
I tell you I know it's not true. Do my eyes betray me too?
Each skirmish leaves a scar I will carefully nurture long after the battle.

I want to believe as you earnestly promise it’ll never happen again.
I see the pain behind your eyes as you try to make sense of your actions.
Take the hurt, push it down, hug and move on.

Then I need you to help.  
I need you to just this one time do what you’ve promised,
Please don’t argue.

Your brother is anxious, I see it.
He has a little comedy routine he uses to hide behind,
Distraction, smoke and mirrors, but the bald spot in his hair betrays him.

The pets too feel the tension. Each time we even speak,
They hide, trying to become invisible.
Always watching, always on edge.

I try to hide my frustration to protect them. And you.
Every time this happens, I feel you pull away more.
I don’t understand what has happened to us.

I will always love you, maybe that’s why feel safe to do this.
The problem is I don’t see a future anymore.
I don’t want to keep going around on this carousel.

I wake up going through the motions, waiting for the next battle.
I try to work but my mind is formulating tactics.
And I am so, so tired.

I wish I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish we could meet half way and just enjoy each other’s company like we used to.
Please come back, I’ll always wait for you.

You say I think I'm perfect
In all I say and do.
I've never said a hurtful thing to your brother or to you.

You say I think I'm perfect
I've never claimed to be.
If I was you'd never hold such hate inside for me.

I know I'm far from perfect.
I've hurt you many times.
I know that I can't fix it with poems or with rhymes.

I've lost my temper often
I've said things I can't take back.
This perfect mother that you want is a trait I sadly lack.

I know you hate my methods.
You don't agree with me.
I hope that when you're older you will look back and you'll see

That every rule I make
I swear I make with love,
Your wellbeing and your mental health are what I'm thinking of.

I'm not trying to hurt you.
I don't want us to fight,
But I'll never stop my effort to try and do what's right.

Maybe in a few years
You will see things more my way,
But this year is one year we won't have a happy mothers day.

You made me a mother.
You patiently watched and waited
As I learned to find my feet
Walked, then ran.
We grew together, you and I.
We navigated it all
Side by side
Learning, adapting.
We found our way in the strange new world.
You were my focus,
My North star.
You've taken it back,
That gift given so many years ago.
The skys are stormy,
I can no longer navigate.
I try to help you, guide you,
You push me back,
Further and further away.
I stumble once more,
Blindly searching for the way out.
I call out but you don't hear me.
You've moved on and I'm alone again,
With only the fading memories of better times.