I hate that it took me 17 years to find you.
I hate that you were 14 when I did.
I hate that I'll have to leave you in a months time.
I hate all the stupid things we never did.

I hate all the love poems I've written so far.
I hate that they're not about you.
I hate that I can go an entire day and not see your face.
I hate that that's not true.

I hate lying awake at night.
I hate being alone.
I hate being without you.
I hate all the time I spend just staring at my phone.

I hate looking at you and seeing sadness in your eyes.
I hate your great taste in TV shows.
I hate that Firefly made me cry.
I hate that some people can't see how great you are, oh the good Lord(e) knows.

I hate it when you're not with me.
I hate not having you near.
I hate that your laces are almost always untied.
I hate that some days I'll have to settle for staring at a bracelet because you're not here.

I hate it when things rhyme.
I hate that your Snow melted away.
I hate all the pain it caused you.
I hate that this is all too cliche.

I hate how lonely my hands feel when you don't hold them.
I hate it when you frown.
But I know one thing for sure,
this I've got down;

I don't hate how much I love you,
the way you've turned my world upside down.

my uncle says that all poetry is the same.
he's right, of course.
forty-four years old,
unmarried, tired,
working on an oil rig in Mississippi.
he's got wisdom i can't even imagine.
it's all the same.

no matter how hard i try,
no matter if i change Your name,
no matter if You actually read this,
it's all the same.

my uncle says that all poets are the same.
i believe him, of course.
eighteen years old,
just graduated, tired,
full of one sided, unrequited love for the whole world.
i've got naivety you can't even imagine.
we're all the same.

but i promise you,

cross my heart and hope to die,
no matter if it never changes,
no matter how many times i write this stupid poem,
every time i do,

it hurts just the same.

Your body feels strange next to mine

what once used to fit perfectly
now feels forced with
weird angles
and arms
badly intertwined

i watched You all day

You looked down
fingers blurring up my sight
it was silent
but i heard every time
Your thumbs thumped against the bright display
someone else's words taking You from me

oh Lord
don't you think it'd be easier
just to let me go?

i don't understand the point of it all
don't understand why i choose people
that won't ever give me
all i give them

don't understand why it's
happened three times
in the span of
six years

You're right next to me
but i'm not really there
am i?

the door is ten feet from us
and Your body feels strange next to mine
but i don't understand
why i never  
get up
and
leave

I believe in luck
I believe in coincidences
I believe in fate
I believe in destiny

It's contradictory I know
but so are you

When I first met you
you were strong
          you still are but it's different now
you answer every beck and call
don't listen to advice
you wait by the phone
sulk when he does
you're like a lost puppy

My darling I've never been great with luck
I've never won the lottery
My coincidences always really ****
and my fate is constantly changing
          but you

This has happened
once
twice
before
but the third is not the charm
          (or the fourth)

My darling I'm sorry
but he is not written in your stars
not in your destiny

I'm sorry
          but then again
                    I'm not
I tried so hard
but you didn't listen
you won't

I've been in your position
          We all have
but I got out of the rut
I'll be waiting for you too
          *We all will