I’ll tell you, I am not ashamed
I was afraid to get on that plane

I was so young and full of doubt
I think I almost chickened out

And yet within that doubt I found
Understanding, common ground

With someone who showed me the way
Afraid
I followed
Someone brave

Sister to Sorrow
Despair is a place
Pain is a reference
Fear is a taste

The walls that envelop
The monsters at play
The loss of nights silver
The absence of day

Time comes to die here
Forgets how to count
Slides in oh so easy
Now
Just you try to crawl out

Sister to Sorrow
Despair is a place
That draws and seduces
A ransom’s embrace
Lost in a dream
Who is lost in the wake
Awake now the scream
Of this vision that shakes

Sister to Sorrow
How much can you take  
What can I give you
Fear is my taste
You know and you sow
And you cultivate

Death is the reference
The shape to unshape

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

And so they cluster frilly spinning dancers
Across the Autumn stage
Yellow centred bodices
The lilac, white and cerise petals
Of Michaelmas Daisy remembered
Each year flowering for us always.

Love Mary x

Oh, we hurt.
We feel disrespected.
After many in life have said, I promise to love you.

Just remember, some didn't say how?
Some promise to love you until the feelings are gone.

Some promise to love you until the money fades.
Hosts of various things.
But rest assured this I promise to love you.
Do comes with the limitation of truth?

Some that said I promise to love only meant it until someone better, younger is able to replace you.

After certain times attitudes and more rules take over.

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night