You took yourself away from us at such a young age
I hate growing up when we were supposed to do this together
You were the half of me I needed as badly as air
You were the part of me I needed at every milestone
And you couldn't handle the pain life inflicted on you despite all the good
I'm mad at you and I can't even tell you

There's been a hole in my heart for years now
You left me because you couldn't handle the world and that's okay
But my heart will forever ache with what you used to make me feel and I so badly wish I could have said something to make you stay
I hope wherever you went was better than the life you knew
I will miss you always

I taste pennies on your lips and I swear nothing has ever been sweeter

I feel like I'm seeing your petals being crushed and I'm stuck on the side immobile
Unable to save you from plucking the petals off of yourself as if that will save you from that chest squeezing pain inside of you
You can't dig your way to your core and ease the ache and all I want is to lift you off the cold hard ground and help you take root.
Let me be your soil.

It'd be easier if I could distance myself
I know you don't want this
Want me
Yet every time you're in my bed you look at me in this secret way that makes me feel like you see me
And it chips at a piece of me
Knowing this is something real and sweet and tender and someone crushed your trust enough that you can't bare to face another risk

I like your bones.
I like that steady foundation still being built and ever changing inside of you that makes you a person with ideas and thoughts and feelings and morals unshakable by a gentle breeze or a hard shove
I like watching you unfold
I like watching the pieces fit together and grow and change and soften
I like the tender spots that hurt and that steel spine that keeps the soft inside and protected

When you took my innocence you didn't take it in one fell swoop.
You took it when all my stern plea's of denial turned into silence
And with all those rough touches when I didn't want a touch at all
And all these small harmful things that broke down something in me until I couldn't build it back up again
I will be okay.
But I hate that you've shaken the core that made me a person I liked once before.
I hate that thing's bypass my hard outer layer and hit my centre with a sharp jab and a painful inhale