Life is lonely without you by my side
Solitude is too hard to bear
Haven't heard from you in a week
Breaks my heart that you don't care

To spend one more day with you
When you were still head over heels
Would gladly make any sacrifice
But the devil is fresh out of deals

With desperation on breath
Questions on my mind
Beg the universe for answers
To explain why you left me behind

Who is there to ask except you?
Silence selfish solution
Noble effort is wasted in vain
Sees no resolution

**** air right out of my lungs
I choke on the emptiness
Indifference is a vacuum
Swallowing happiness

Out of methods to trick myself
Truth I'm scared to face
Cannot wrap my mind around it
I am so easy to replace

You fooled me a second time
The blame lies not on you
On my own naivety
Believing promises were true

Short-lived
Still so significant
The words sincerely spoken
They serve as evidence to proof
Loving you will leave me broken

People warned to stay away
You were nothing but trouble
My untainted innocence wondered
"Could anything bad be so warm when we snuggle?"

Adoration used to exist in our smiles
Lately it isn't found where it should be
Could forever for you end so soon?
An eternity would not be enough for me

I've died and gone to hell I think
Tortured hundreds of ways
Times have never been darker
Ran out of words I dare not say

Every letter comes up to the back of my throat
And forget how to make them sound right
Rhyme and reason spilled on paper
Because my windpipe is too tight

If I was still alive and well
Each time I try to take a breath
I would inhale air into my lungs
Not suffocate like meeting death

Die a little more every day
I'd stop it if I were able
Have no choice but to become a ghost
An invisible body
Unstable

Amount of change I've experienced
Lifespan doesn't even compare
To the process of decomposition
Decaying skin I wear

Sense no longer lives here
It's only madness in my mind
Cannot form a rational idea
Ever since you left me behind

The noise of the moving planet
Has faded into the background
Now that I haunt my family home
Television static is the only sound

I listen for a heartbeat
Or a pulse of any sort
But when referring to any signs of life
My senses come up short

No blood courses through these dusty veins
There lies no color in my skin
Drained of remaining energy
A walking corpse the vessel I'm in

Temperature of my tissue has dropped
Down to an icy degree
Muscles frozen in place by fear
Shadows consuming all I see

Bit by bit my spirit rots slowly
My heart already still
Numb to every emotion but one
The agony is too strong to ****

Difficult ditches
Beautiful angles emerge
Viewing stars better

You really broke heart this time
Feel worse
It goes through my brain
Betrayal playing on repeat
A constant source of pain

Like splinter underneath soft skin
Sliver of our shattered trust
Worked it's way too deep to see
Dig it out I must

Swearing you learned your lesson again
Words like pebbles in my shoe
"Sorry" returns with a vengeance
No matter what we say or do

For the doubt only you seem to benefit from
Anger gets us nowhere as well
Sick and tired of hitting brick walls
If you know a way to help please tell

Your light will dim if you let it

You will have whiplash from the metaphorical car crash resulting because when that light is turned off you have no way to see the road
No way of making out which direction to go

You will not make it very far

The light will come back on only if you allow it to

And with it sense of control and confidence

You will be seeing clearer again in no time

Staying up late each anxious night
Wishing you had not given in to heartache
The choice to split technically mine
It was one you forced me to make

You provided no better options
Back pressed against a disappearing wall
The thing keeping me upright through problems
Cracked skeleton hardly holding weight at all

I know I am weak, words paper-thin
Sit here stuck in the same position
Nothing to improve the frustrated state I'm in
My mind rummaging for proper recognition

Plans made are crumbling to dust
Flames dance around, we are running out of air
Hearts racing, to win we both think we must,
Wondering which is the tortoise and which the hare

Games we play but not enjoy
Again and again use my heart as a toy
Each endless night I lie awake
Staring at the ceiling retracing mistakes

Collapse like a deflated lung
Fated to gasp for more air
Throat hoarse from sad songs sung
Past pain shouting "Please beware!"

I found the same outcome too many times
In patterns we are destined to repeat
Yet I still walk identical lines
Straight into the familiar defeat

Discipline is difficult to learn
Ability to take control
Do things that challenge you
Rather than quit on your goal

Avoid unhurried temptation
Succumbing the worst thing you could do
Decide if instant gratification
Or achievement is more important to you

For sake of argument let's pretend you're right
Smiled to prove that I'm doing alright
Wake
Freedom left idle too long
Seemed to be unsure of where it belonged
Who are you taking independence from my arms?
Fireflies caught in fictitious mason jars
To warm dreams on nights dark and cold
For the sake of principle I break the mold
I smile but know it isn't real
Last line drawn separating what I feel
Gaze still trained on love already gone
Saga discontinued from now forever on

If you give me proof that you are different now
I would leave your mistakes in the past
The taste of your words is familiar
Matches the flavor of bait from lines cast

What I realized is that this is a game
Think ******* with my head is fun
Relationship must be a joke to you
Guess what
You are the only one

When I looked at obvious disregard
For feelings I shook my head
In disbelief you could be so cold
I so easily misled

Door open to you
So many years
Regardless how long you stayed
Was happy you graced me with your presence at all
It's time I put up a barricade

Your eyes would be shocked discovering
Not as weak as I've always seemed
It was stubbornness preventing freedom
Clutching tightly to future we dreamed

Such beauty and tenderness faded
Cruel reality laden with distress
Blind to surrounding hazards
Woke up too deep in this mess

Sitting amidst a plethora of problems
Above reach everything I want most
Projection of the life I could have had
Traded for shaky taunting ghosts

Both directions lay empty
Quiet
Swerve my neck left and then right
Around me is an abundance of air
I can't find any light

Everything I experience grey
Colors make haste
Retreat
Inside the dim stale atmosphere
Also a concerning lack of heat

For when I train my eyes upwards
Sun has vanished from the sky
That or I am being forced away
Rays are far too high

And I contemplate our ending
Have no choice but accept our fate
Memories will remain etched on my heart
One by one your feelings disintegrate

Let's not forget the way we were
The happiness we used to hold
Before the seasons changed on us
And winter turned your heart cold

And bones crack from the drop in temperature
Surprised at your lack of emotion
Sharp details of each moment clearly defined
As if you are moving in slow-motion

Stillness more than I can stand
Sometimes you are as rigid as a statue
Like an exhibit in a museum
Impressing all who view

Storm of chaos brewing inside
Kept under a silent veil
I try to pry a confession from your mouth
Ultimately I always fail

I know your body in and out
Every inch of your flesh mapped in mind
But you won't let me peek underneath
This perfect mask you hide behind

Eternal conflict is my burden
Faced with an impossible choice
I should respect myself enough to let go
But I'm addicted to the sound of your voice

Reflected in the mirror are mistakes
In the form of scars on my skin
After 25 years on earth I know better
Yet still partake in bittersweet sin

Life is just easier with you there
I can't see it any other way
We may not always get along
But I still choose you every day

I miss those times you'd stare at me
Love prevalent in your eyes
With every teardrop adoration drained out
Your dilated pupils now show only lies

And the moments of intimacy shared in the past
Get further and further away from what's real
But no matter the distance between memories
I'll forever remember how you made me feel

I became your hidden habit
You tried hard to conceal
You didn't think about
How being a secret made me feel

Was it easy for you
To constantly shove me aside?
No matter how you hurt me
Always came back to your side

Did you like the attention?
The hours given to you?
Enjoy blameful tears of mine
Now I'm glad we're through

Don't mistake me for a fool again
Tired of your games
Know who you really are
I'm not diving into flames

Please do not be alarmed if I
End up needing more than I should
It's just that life has whittled me down
Rarely do things feel this good

A simple brush across skin
I forget about my past
I cannot think of a single reason
You wouldn't want this to last

Look how much things have changed
I am ready for something real
Take my hand, pull me away
Show me what it means to feel

Be not scared of death
Growing slowly with old age
The simplest blessing

If my assumptions about him are right
It is going to take more than friends for him to see the light
Jumped gun without stopping to take a second look
Scared before I had a peek under the cover of his book

I'm falling, feeling, spinning,
Just out of arm's reach,
The sharp abyss seems to muffle
My frightened dismal screech.

Don't jump down for me,
I am not worthy to save,
For what else is as shallow
As my predestined grave?

Don't present me with a chance,
It is almost too late,
Please leave me with my thoughts,
I can handle fate.

Don't even try to fix me,
I am not worth your time,
The pit I am descending is
A long way back up to climb.

Live life step by step
Taking care to smell roses
Passed along the way

You warm ice surrounding
Little more each day
The motions of your skilled hands
And sincere words you say

Are you sick of me?
My list of endless flaws
Holding me in such high regard
Deserve round of applause

Here at my worst
Still look at me the same
Knowing me before
Monster I became

Not judging the slightest
My less-than-pure lifestyle
Around you can be myself
You'll like me all the while

Just seeing handsome face
Brings smile to mine
Struggle with constant depression
In your presence fine

To make this last an eternity
Give up all I own
No words to describe excitement
When I see you messaged my phone

You give reason to wake up in the morning
Make me want to survive
Usually spend time just existing
With you I feel alive

But I know it is coming to an end
Forever wouldn't be long enough
Distance might make our hearts fonder
The absence sure will be tough

To put simply
"I'll miss you"
It's so much more than that
When you leave I'll lose a piece of me
Will be the place you are at

Live to the fullest
All you're meant to be
While you're out there succeeding
Try to not forget about me

The world morphing you into who it wants to see
Do not let it tear you apart
Only listen to those you aspire to be
First do what you feel in your heart

My heart is not a room for  rent
Or helping hand for hire
Not a bundle of hay or stack of sticks
To blow down or set on fire

And for that I am so grateful
My walls erected high
So far the top not visible
Bricks reaching past the sky

I am not honey melting on your tongue
My body is not an ocean in which for you to drown
I may make you feel like you are on cloud nine
That just means you have further to fall down

I am not your once-upon-a-time
No longer believe in fairytales
Wish I could be your pussycat
But I am a monster with horns and scales

My affection is not a sunset
Have no glow in which for you to bask
I want so badly to love you like you deserve
Too incompetent to accomplish that task

My time is not a rolling wheel
Spinning forward sure and straight
It is a large looming labyrinth
Impossible to navigate

My happiness is not a prize you can win
Although I wish it were that way
Smiles breifly graze my face in your presence
Why can't one find the determination to stay?

My company doesn't play a melody
Loyalty is not a song
Just a sequence of sad lyrics serenaded
But the notes all come out wrong

My soul is not a shooting range
Target not painted on my back
Yet feel as if at any moment
I will be suddenly under attack

My feelings are not a falling star
Shooting from the sky only for you
Nor are they dandelions or eyelashes
I won't make your wishes come true

My attention is a turning top
Twisting and spinning all over the place
I'll make you so dizzy you can't even walk
Then you'll fall right onto your face

My care is a consuming cancer
Killing every last cell
You're better off without my disease
Stay away and your health will stay well

My mind is an active volcano
Over and over erupts with no warning
Sometimes rage bubbles up from within
I can't stop the molten lava from forming

My companionship is a sleepless night
Kept up by thoughts racing in your head
Questions fighting with each other
Unless I am with you in bed

My devotion is a heavy black cloak
Worn like a ball and chain
Weighing down shoulders like sandbags
I don't think you can handle the strain

My efforts are fistfuls of sand
Slipping through your fragile fingers
Gripping so tightly that when you are done
Only a few wayward grains linger

My adoration is a roulette table
Risk getting hurt by my behavior
Yet you gamble anyways despite the fact
That the odds aren't in your favor

My compliments are Band-Aids
To cover wounds inflicted in haste
You'll get cut by words so sharp
I carelessly misplaced

My desire is a running faucet
Full blast with no way to turn it down
Which means eventually if in my proximity
The sink will fill and you will drown

My intimacy is a roller-coaster
Ascending high and dipping low
There will be moments I let my guard fall
But I also harbor secrets you'll never know

I will remain suspended in your throat
A lump too large to swallow
Too tough to chew to pieces
So your stomach still is hollow

My love is thunder and lightning
A storm that never ceases
No matter how calming and comforting you are
The downpour only ever increases

I wish I believed in magic again
We all did way back when

Wonder if you are with someone else
If so, does she get more than I did?
Now that I am gone, it's probably easier for you
To reveal parts that from me you always hid.

Maybe you found a girl equally ****** up
Who's flaws mimic all of yours
Someone who cares as little as you do
More concerned about future scores.

I will never be perfect for you
My thoughts are too deep for you to understand
I hope you find someone easier to satisfy
Content with holding your emotionless hand.

I wanted to be yours forever
Our love only lasted awhile
Your next girlfriend may be what I'm not
But you'll always miss my smile

Do you remember those nights
We laughed and talked until sleep?
With you laying by my side
I had no need for medication or sheep.

Remember the inside jokes?
The dishonest promises we made?
I do not see how you could forget,
For me the memories will not fade.

Remember all the puddles?
With bare, cold, feet our bikes we rode,
Down your drowned driveway,
At the end we slowed.

We shared our simple secrets,
Things no one else knew,
I thought you would be there for me,
Because I am always there for you.

If I was still your dream girl
Would we share a bed each night?
Arms wrapped around each other
After you turned out the light

I've been alone in your absence
Wondering how you get along
Not seeking Mr. Right
Because anyone else is wrong

Forgotten by the closest friend
I have ever had
Replaced by a beautiful face
And for that I truly am glad

I just wish I could find that myself
So I could be happy too
But no matter how hard others strive
I can't smile unless I'm with you

Watching your face as you sleep peacefully
Head full of stories I cannot see
I stare at your eyelids wistfully
I can't help but wonder if you are dreaming of me