The way to reinvent is to rebrand
To create oneself requires real ambition
To try discovering your true self
You need no one's permission

What did I do to deserve you?
Never-ceasing love for me,
The courage it took to say those
Three silly words confidently.

No. I am sure I do not.
Don't cover the desperate truth,
I have no reason or motive to lie,
You think my words are untruth.

Honesty hurts both of us,
No. The stubborn word stuck in my mind,
My own voice repeating two letters
Constantly playing on rewind.

This is how things have to be,
I thought you should know,
How awesome and amazing you are,
I lack those traits, so my answer is no.

You do not care if I am perfect,
You feel the exact opposite as I do,
To know you think you don't deserve me,
Has me laughing and appreciating you.

I smile while I fall asleep,
You must be there in my dreams,
Our minds work so differently,
Mine houses worry, yours holds schemes.

When over, turmoil will help me learn,
It can teach a lesson of some sort,
I'm listening to the message distress sends,
There is so much to learn from losing, life is short.

On tips of my fingers rests wisdom,
Can only grab it when times get hard,
Storms come and pass, leave destruction,
Causing peace to crumble shard by shard.

As wreckage is cleared, rubble sifted,
Clouds float smugly, continuing on their way,
Tears finally dry but leave residual strength,
For spirit to carry into the next day.

So scraps are what I have to show
Find myself amidst the undertow
A pathetic pile of perfumed dreams  
Like pretending life is greater than it seems
This multiverse molded with illusions and tricks
To knock you down just for kicks
Nothing glamorous about depression
A void that leaves the deepest impression
Feeling like rocks loaded onto my back
As if gravity is out of whack
Attempting to rise off the floor
Each movement leaves muscles sore
Past mistakes written in blood
Try but fail washing away with a flood
So sick and tired staying the same
Doubt and fear the scapegoats to blame
Reasons irrelevant nevertheless
Little extra effort might lead to success
I am aware everything is bound to fall apart
One by one shards will chip off my heart
I attempt reassembling it with some glue
To give it away like deja vu
These choices I cannot explain
Behavior proof I must be insane
Wasting more minutes than I have to spare
Fish out of water and I'm gasping for air
Can't you see I'm drowning?
A sea of my regrets
Ghosts dancing on horizon staring at their silhouettes
I think about years I continue to let slip through my hands
I'm so exhausted chasing answers to a puzzle I don't understand
Scared to admit this the extent of what I'll become
Wonder if I'll ever escape the place that I am from
I yearn to love now like I loved back then
Believe in magic and forever again
But hopeful naivete faded along with the sparkle in my eye
Like while I've been in limbo best opportunities passed me by
In a cerebral cage confidence confined by bars
Self-acceptance shackled by a multitude of scars
I am sorrier than lips will ever audibly speak
Unsure if my dungeon will let me discover the exit I desperately seek
This nightmare of creation darkens at an alarming rate
Need to wake up from this coma I'm in before it is too late

We loved with careless enthusiasm
Your touch cooled my burning chest
Out of melancholic monotony
Embraced flaws and silent distress

Warm skin the ultimate compliment
Formless bodies seeking relief
Yet the mind mine was so connected to
Overflows my thoughts with grief

And I see the mess I've made of us
Cry because I know it's my fault
Pouring darkness into your body
Leading you into assault

One moment you were everything
Couldn't stop love I felt
Next found myself wanting space
With time passion began to melt

The feelings I relished dwindled with grace
Rehearsing lines of the part I'm trying to be
All that's left is only a trace
Of the magic once fueling our love story

Thank you both for everything
It means a lot
To know at least two friends
If nothing else we have got

You invited us into your house
Helped any way you can
Were truly there for us
We had no other plan

You let us use your Jeep
So we could travel around
Or took us yourself
Til own ride was found

You let us eat food
Though money is tight
Patient and understanding
It'd been easier to fight

You have loaned us many dollars
We had not a single cent
Don't think we've properly conveyed
How much the money meant

You treat us like relatives
Without keeping track or score
Not because your motive is to gain
That's what friends are for

We may not show it
But are grateful to be here
I thought this token of gratitude
Would be pleasant to hear

Do not ever doubt that your kindness
Is a gesture we appreciate
Just hope we all can show it
Before it is too late

We could not do it without you
You continue giving each day
That means so much more
Than words could say

I need to stop comparing pictures of the present to polaroids of the past
Memories of first day we met to the reality of the last

I feel like society stupider with each year that passes by
In an ocean of tears "cancel culture" has bred to cry
Going deeper and deeper into debt
A diving submarine
Deeper than bottom of world's largest explored ravine
No oxygen to saturate lungs because we keep cutting down forests
Is it just me or does it seem like to Earth the human race is nothing but tourists?
Just the smoke of warfare lingering once the end is reached
Solution that will save our planet is one we choose not to teach
I feel it is too late to make this sinking ship float
No light at end of tunnel
No safety net
No lifeboat
I don't believe in God above so there is nothing to rescue me now
Just shallows which are strewn with sharp rocks anyhow
Where the price of living increases quality of life plummets fast
Predators prowl
Disguised politicians controlling crowds amassed
Nights filled with sounds of crying infants and gunfire
Cats and dogs euthanized in shelters
Number growing ever higher
The majority of generation too busy clubbing to care
How come only a couple of us are aware?
Treating less fortunate like carpets on the floor
Unless happening to them issues are easier to ignore
Miniscule portion of millennials are willing to ***** their expensive boots
Rather dance to mindless beats
(That is until someone short-circuits and shoots)
That's what it necessitates for them to focus on what matters
Oblivious up to the instant their sensory defenses shatter
Then victims share their harrowing account
False sense of security revealed
They tally up the body count
Experiences that in past would change character for the greater
Now shrugged off with a wave
(As long as there's a compensator)
And the judicial system mostly for show
Judges and prosecutors more corrupt than population could know
I'm searching for tangible proof this is truly the "land-of-the-free"
If I establish this message until echoed will I have weapons pointed at me?
Our government abandoned us
Requests are seldom heard
Self-protecting entities whose morals are all blurred
The people stumble through mud looking for a light
Darkness used to divide us pretending there's only black-and-white
It's one extreme or other
Exists no in-between
Stuck inside the matrix distracted by a slow-motion routine
Cycle repeated historically at such length it's difficult to recognize
This facade is choreographed right in front of our very eyes
Meandering as if we are born lost sheep
Badly deficient of guidance
***** we're climbing too steep
We require a little push in the right direction
Declaring difference between patrol and protection
Each of us is so immersed in the pursuit of our own bliss
Don't realize in the process of grabbing we also fall into the abyss
And pull others with us so at least there's company there
When you're alone failure is much harder to bear
Reality is a ticking bomb nobody wants to face
If we don't figure out an answer eventually mankind will be erased
For things to become better we ALL must take a stand
Stop acting selfishly instead lend those suffering a hand

You take my breath away with just one sweet smile
When sad all I have to do is punch in your number and dial
It has been so much better since you entered my life
People do not understand why I want to become your wife
It is not because I am scared of being alone
But for joy you give the world we own
Momentarily deflected by everyday trouble
The difficulties made worth it every time we snuggle
I admit I didn't know when you captured my heart
That you'd keep the whole thing, not just part

Having trouble adjusting
Constant loneliness
Experienced it before
Never in excess
A dream the closest I get to someone
Search for a face but still see none
Easy making reasons for why I am alone
Much harder ignoring truth already known
It pushes my ribcage so I can't breathe right
Gladly suffocate to keep it out of sight
It comes into peripheral without my permission
Against eye sockets allegations beyond admission
True stories block from my view just in time
Deciding to turn and climb
Is that urgent buzzing I hear in my ear?
With shake of my head I make doubts disappear
They fall hard
They land in my heart
Can no longer deny we are from now on apart

I am a good person but I do bad things sometimes
Complicated I may be
I am beautifully disastrous
You can see it in my eyes
Human
I'm imperfect
I struggle
I'm ME

If my assumptions about him are right
It is going to take more than friends for him to see the light
Jumped gun without stopping to take a second look
Scared before I had a peek under the cover of his book

I think you look but fail to see
What's right in front of your eyes
The problems steadily harassing me
You don't seem to recognize

If it was up to you we'd live
Like this forever I suppose
Mistake after mistake I forgive
Staying through highs and lows

But you keep saying things will change
I'm a fool so I believe
Stupid how I find lies strange
After all this time why am I still naive?

Looking down on my lack of will
When I can't follow through on my word
Your promises you don't try to fufill
The hypocrisy is absurd

I wish I knew how you felt about me
Wish I could read your mind
When I ask you simply ignore my plea
So your feelings remain undefined

You say you love me just as much
As you did when this began
But something feels different in your touch
I honestly don't understand

My attraction for you increases every day
No
Every second that passes by
More and more you are pulling away
While I'm left here asking why

I work so hard to fix this mess
So both our wounds can heal
Going in circles
Make no progress
Like a hamster running a wheel

But I'll never give up hope
I'll remain devoted and strong
Even if we reach the end of our rope
I'll continue holding on

Winter flakes fall, alive, alone,
Bright like ivory, cold like bone,
Peaceful and silent, they ride the wind,
Brushing snow-swept faces, chapped, skinned.

Icy sidewalks lay and stare,
Smooth glassy pathway reflecting brisk air,
The sky quietly murmurs a shade of bluish-grey,
Clouds block the sun, dulling this December day.

Trees stripped bare by merciless freeze,
Unwrapped, they suffer, nobody sees,
A lifetime of labor hangs from every limb,
Waiting for Summer to begin.

Mountains far off watch in greif,
For greenery's sake pray for relief,
Blistering rage unharnessed, free,
Is a predator gobbling all it can see.

Winter's love and hate collide,
As unpredictable as ocean's tide,
Moment by moment, fading away,
The beginning of tomorrow, end of today.

If I died tomorrow you would be filled with regret
For how you've treated me and made me upset
Then why speak to me the way you do?
When I show nothing but respect to you
What's important?
Family or friends?
Fact you choose the latter offends
The adoration showered onto you-know-who
Makes it hard trusting your point-of-view
Your judgement clouded by superficial attraction
Everyone else gets only a fraction
Of effort you pour into her
Clear which company you'd prefer
Living for her prosperity
No matter the cost
In the end it will be worth the people you have lost
Focused on her favor
Nothing counts more
In return presented her body to explore
Lust over loyalty to those you purportedly love
At least evidence found that during *** you wear a glove
Life is short make sure your decisions aren't made with haste
Do not wait to learn until consequences are faced
Bending backwards to see her smile
In response I rarely see her go the extra mile
She spends money on you
She has dollars to spare
You reciprocate when you don't have enough to share
She has boyfriend
Couple extra on the side
You are one more in rotation
Along for the ride
She's the only girl in which I see you choose to invest
You are an option like all the rest
I maybe wrong
Looking from outside in
This my opinion that I've been holding within
I want you to have all you deserve
Not someone using for a purpose that you serve
And infatuation is making you blind
Closing off to potential romance to find
You put her needs above those longer known
Hell
You put them in front of your own
To say you are whipped putting it lightly
Have more lashes than a slave beaten nightly
When she tells you to jump you reply "how high?"
"How far?"
"How fast?"
Without inquiring why
It makes me sick witnessing how you've changed
Your body for a ventriloquist dummy has been exchanged
Every sentence spoken aloud matches her voice
You pretend as if it stems from your choice
As she is perfect and can do no harm
******* with thieves doesn't raise an alarm?
Do you think she had no clue
What Brian that loser was up to?
Then lying about when you dared to ask
You forgive her though she never took off that mask
Then when tables turn blow things out of proportion
As if both have never taken something
Whether theft or extortion
If you consider that stealing
What about CATs?
Cut off all the vehicles
Did you forget about that?
It makes zero sense
Do whatever you like
We do similar action and you pretend we're not alike
Just waiting for opportunity to take her side
Letting all their indiscretions slide
Contradictions all over every single spot I look
How can you not take into account all the **** THEY took?
I hear no difference except we were intercepted
Doesn't mean our losses should be accepted
Felt unfairly treated because Dan's vehicle damaged
Plus plethora of tools and miscellaneous items that were ravaged
The devastation inflicted upon our property
Amounts to thousand times more than the two items or three
That we grabbed believing it was trash like everything else scattered
Amidst mountains of garbage hard to tell what truly matters
Darkness floods hard when I stare at the ground
I take in the destruction evident all around
It honestly causes stomach to churn sick
Inside brain how does none of that click?
Tried explaining but obviously you don't care
Why should you?
You are not the one who should be living there
To you I'm a fly buzzing in your ear
Only opinion holding weight is Sierra's
That much clear
Her complaints push and pull incurring immediate reaction
Last thing on your love-struck mind is MY satisfaction
You don't take sentences I utter seriously
Shrug off my concerns with a wave
Don't give a **** about me
**** pottery wheel
My future habitat
Daniel's possessions
Who cares about that?!
If unimportant to her it's not meaningful to you
Nothing I do or say can change your point-of-view
You can continue being a hypocrite
Do not expect you to change
Love for you is unconditional
Unlike yours
Cannot be exchanged
Treat me however you consider justified
At least now aware of these syllables I've kept inside
Let me know when you receive ***** back
From around her neck or contained in her backpack
Wherever stashed along with dignity
I'll be happy having my dad back when you are finally free
From self-imposed servitude I'm finding you in
Until day comes I suppose she wins
I do not hate her
How could I despise her for your choice?
You're mimicking her ideas
Verbalized with your voice
And ultimately you have the power to decide
Fear of her absence reason you haven't defied
Either that or brain is fully washed clean
To disillusioned to peek through the smoke-screen
Maybe your head too far up her ***
Discombobulated inhaling noxious gas
Your idolization prevents you thinking straight
All for a person you can't even date
You put your world down just so you can pick hers up
Draining yourself in order to fill her cup
I want to see you become the best you can be
And fear you'll never achieve that if you don't listen to this plea
I'm not expecting to drop her from your life
Simply yearn for you to stop doting as if she is your wife
Hate bringing this up but Mom is surely rolling in her grave
Would beat your *** if she witnessed how you recently behave
I don't recall you being so obsessed with her
Give anything to go back in time to how things were
If she was alive I can with certainty guarantee
If she listened to both perspectives with mine she'd agree
She wouldn't in the first place allow **** to get this far
You and I too acquiescent
Why things are how they are
She would demand you step up and take a stand
Kick them out BEFORE their hoarding got out of hand
But since she bears big ***** and an alright face
Sat by while they took advantage and ruined that space
She'll never amount to half the woman mom was when she was here
Why is her name put on a pedestal and revered?
I suspect you'll never love anyone else the same way
When it came to her requests you didn't hesitate to disobey
I count on one hand the number of times I have heard
Regarding Sierra mouth breathe a negative word
It appears according to you she can do no wrong
With mom had so much trouble getting along
It ***** like betrayal watching you adore
You have the right to be happy once more
But why's that involve a girl half your age?
Is that only method you can use to turn the page?
I cannot help but doubt mom would approve
Her nagging voice in my head will never be removed
So why are you chasing some ***** around?
In mind do you not also hear that sound?
She always was suspicious of connection between you two
She's gone and it appears her suspicions were true
You may not have acted on impulses until she was dead
I feel bad for assuring her it was all in her head
She turned out being correct
A surprise
It is on her behalf that I criticize
She would also ensure you actually followed through
On promises you vowed to me too
Like when you swore I could have the other car
Go back on your word the second we start to spar
Holding leverage over head
A power trip
Threatening to cut me off
Quickly you flip
Don't make offer if it comes with contingencies
Revoking it as soon as some part of you disagrees
With something or other I do or say
Declare commitment then take it back the next day
You're supposed to support because we're family
Not only convenient or if we agree
But will be here for you no matter what
Even if a stubborn pain in the ****
Just yearned to let you know all the thoughts inside my brain
The only way I could think of to explain
No matter what love you to the end
Good will is honestly what I do intend
I miss the way things used to be
Hope that maybe this poem will help you see
I had to write heart onto paper and be real
Now you can comprehend why I feel like I feel

I know you probably will not see this
Just in case you do I want to say
I really hope you are happy now
And I am sorry I couldn't make you stay

I will forever hold a piece of you
It does not matter where I go
I have showed you the deepest parts of me
Things no one else will ever know

I do not regret a single moment
Although I wonder what I lack
If I had to do it all over
I wouldn't take a bit of it back

This ordeal eventually made me stronger
I should actually be thanking you
For giving me the romance I wanted
Then breaking my heart in two

I should have realized you were too good to be true
Too perfect for a lovestruck girl like me
And now I am finally alone
Your ghost my only company

I will always be here if you need me
It doesn't matter how badly I am treated
I swear I will continue to love you
Even though I'm broken and defeated

You gave everything I could ask for
Now I have felt the magic of falling in love
And although I cannot have you anymore
You are still all the things I'm dreaming of

You are gone and it's killing me inside
Every lonely day the climb is uphill
I am still waiting for things to get better
But it is possible they never will

Under weight of obligation
Around me
Closing in
Can't breathe the intimacy rising
With the moon pressing light on my skin

Wrapping in pretend happiness
Giving the slightest glimmer of hope
Tell me you'll never give up on me
Stars are afraid you won't

You cannot comprehend the fact
Heart is no longer yours
Wriggled loose from your grasp
Spiteful shouts and banging doors

I withstand worsening suffocation
To bury negative thoughts deep
Seems like in darkness they flourish
Finally out of my mouth they seep

I am sure you'll hate me forever
No more reasons growing to pretend
You would just listen to my words
Realize this is the end

I guess I'll have to be firm
Tired of feeling hopelessly down
Why can't you accept the inevitable?
Can't you see we are unsound?

Beams shaking from resentment
Falling down with a crash
Collapsing emotions loud and shuddering
Love's rafters blown across ground like ash

I am still here picking through the ruins
Obligated to give it my all
Mistakes are what caused us to break
Responsible for letting you fall

It is as if I signed a pledge or oath
Caught in a paperless contract
"I love you" my verbal signature
Written on your heart in black

Again and again try for you
Looking back seems like a waste
Forever a cycle of inadequacy
Repeating mirrored expressions of blatant distaste

The feelings flee further the more we fail
With each missed chance to succeed
I am too messed up to help anyone else
I'll never be all you ever need

Is it fire seen flickering in your eyes?
Calls out to me in the frozen midnight hour
Mistaking your raging inferno for warming embers
Hate discovering how wrong I was

You body was hot to the touch
Your passion lit my soul in scorching flames
Our love was fire

But inside your chest your heart was black and charred

I hope you are happy with me around
Tonight can see you're not
Your voice sounds tired and low
Feel like a ghost you forgot

Know you are growing irritated
Put me down sometimes for no reason
Act like I am just being crazy
Your cold shoulder and this winter season

In front of friends we share
You should be sensitive
I am trying to be reasonable
I am weak-my soft spots are quick to forgive

Want to be as fun and carefree as you
Isn't as easy as you make it look
Under your smile I sense something else
What will bring back joy that I took?

Blistering words stab blades in my heart
Cut through with agility
Feverish whispers are deflected
Reflects inner tranquility
You glimmer within scope of my vision
Treasured pearls of peace
Flicker like a candle flame
No intention to cease
I will not believe shiny veil
Hollow vows of devotion
Hot embers in the pit of my soul
Blind the onset of emotion
I charge forward
War cry loud
With sword I defend my love
The perfection too good to be true
Angel from above
For I know you are the pinnacle of deceit
Moments I spend in confusion
Make it so hard to deny sweet confessions
I've grown too used to convincing delusions

Life is a difficult journey
A roaming isolated trail
Sometimes you triumphantly succeed
Sometimes you are gonna fail.

There is no way around it
There are curves and twisty bends
It is a roller-coaster ride
Until the day the madness ends.

Sorrows come along with smiles
Tears may arrive with laughter
There are a few lies in every single
"Happily ever after."

You might trip or stumble
Sometimes you have to fall
There are moments when you hate it
Times you will not care at all.

This path is one worth taking
Wounds will slowly heal
It will take you to a place
Happiness is easy to feel.