you spoke of dreams,
moments not here,
but lingering just beyond reach.
i see you too—in flashes,
a laugh, a name i never fully said.

i close my eyes,
and there you are,
in the tremble of stars,
the flicker of streetlights,
the hum of midnight waves.

you linger like a soft melody,
always near,
but never enough.
a secret i kept in silence,
carried with every breath.

When everything in sight bursts with colors bright
You anticipate sensations that excite
How you shake my body like ripples through the ground
How you make my head spin as if on a merry-go-round
Shots of whiskey soaking through my skin
Was it a glimpse of heaven or one step away from sin?
You said I am worthy of celebrating what's underneath my clothes
Fantasy manifested
Hair down to my toes
Does ever it captivate your mind with memories?
How it mattered to trace my curves with ease?
It is not intoxication causing my cheeks to flush
Hard finding words to correctly describe this rush
And never got another chance to repeat our brief interaction
Well I hope I was able to reciprocate the same level of satisfaction
I did my best being a version of myself I believed you'd desire
Amidst laughter realized sparks in my center had grown into fire
And I will cherish warmth even if I never see your face again
In veins your name flowed as effortlessly as ink from my pen
Unlike you and simplicity and perfection
Scars are too deep
Too afraid of rejection
And you pointing out reasons I had to love myself
For the first time in a long while seemed to truly help
I wish you could have cradled me in that tent forever
Of course every tie must eventually sever
In your presence I no longer was haunted by ghosts from my past
Potential palpable
Hours ended too fast
When our lips met pretended it would never stop
Unable to control way my stomach flip-flopped
You had this personality that made me feel good
I showed you my favorite spots around my neighborhood
It was obvious you were handsome
To have your interior match?
Already knew better than to get too attached
That night I was happier than I'd been in quite awhile
Surprised how easily you coaxed out my smile
I loved your tattoos and intelligent brain
Plus the method you used your hands made me go insane
We took dab hits staying up most of the night
Until we fell asleep conversing still holding each other tight
For two friends who had so recently met
Admit I sure felt close
*** was like a drug and I couldn't help but crave another dose
I yearned to be better
For you tried to be enough
With so much distance between us
Quitting too tough
So continued living
Stumbling the dark
The hunger shifted to somewhere in the back of my heart
I should have realized from the beginning you were too good for me
Did
Couldn't help but long for what couldn't be
These emotions will stick with me wherever I may go
When I seem sad I look back and recall the gentle glow
I felt when you hugged me
Oh I miss your embrace
In return I hope you sometimes also miss my face

What are you getting with someone like me?
Not sure if we're meant to be
You call me idiot and I suppose you're right
If I died today would you still choose to fight?
Do you want me or just a hand to hold?
Sometimes you look at me with eyes so cold
The clock ticks loud it's all I can hear
Arms not wide open as they appear
The night chasing me
On my heels
Wrapped in silence company steals
Regret hangs heavy from battered hands
Dreams ripped
Thousands of strands
Reach for stars but only grab empty space
Lie awake motionless while my spinning thoughts race
Lost shadows swallowing me in one bite
Waiting for dawn's arrival with promise of light
To break memories free from behind bars where they bounce
Stillness remedy eagerly gulped by the ounce
A raging sea of intensity quakes back and forth inside
A storm I can't control though heaven knows I've tried
Floating a current unable to change direction
Singing audibly proof of affection
It's a fascination as to why you bother to stay
Trying to right my wrongs before you decide to walk away