I hate quite everything in me.
My nose, my mouth, my hair.
But when i was near him, my insecurities were gone.

I don't really like myself.
My size, my weight and the way i am.
But by his side, i loved my reflection.

He had this positive effect on me, as a mirror which embellished.
I felt proud and beautiful when i walked with him.

Now that he is gone, i hate myself even more than before.
I want to change everything.
I want to become all that he like,
So maybe he'll come back to me.

Let me hurt myself, leave me alone.
Don't watch me while i'm doing this.
If it's not physically, it will be mentally.
I don't know which one is worse but,
My body seems to heal faster than my heart.
Don't watch my wrist, it's pointless, i don't cut them.
I'm smart enough to not look this desperate.
I wont show you were i open myself, but trust me, i hide it very well.

I had this dream last night,
Or maybe it was a nightmare,
I don't know anymore.

It was cold, my teeth clicked, my body trembled.
I was in a forest I think, it was dark, I was in the middle of nowhere.
I raised my head towards the sky, it was black, i could only see a few stars.
I moved forward, without knowing where i was going but my body warmed little by little.
My hands were not cold anymore and I felt the sweetness of the sun on my face.
Then I saw him.

He was there,
Flawless like always.
Standing feet in the sand in front of the ocean.
He looked my way and my name went out of his mouth,
He called me,
His voice was sweet like vanilla is.

I moved forward to him without any hesitation.
He took my hand,
Leading us towards the water.
Little by little my body was submerged in this cold liquid.
The sun had disappeared,
the sky was filled with black and dense cloud.
He took a big inspiration and dived into the depths of this ocean.

He had disappeared.
As the sun and the heat.
Leaving me alone in this cold water in the middle of nowhere.

They told me i wasn't good enough,
So i try to be a better person.

But somehow i must have failed,
Because everything get worse by minutes.

I don't believe in God.
I don't think there's an hell or heaven.
But i think there's something bigger than us.

I don't believe in destiny.
I don't believe we are made for something or for someone.
But i think that at some point we get what we deserve.

After all that pain he put me through,
I think i deserve him.
I deserve his love.

I think he's broken and afraid.
Actually i don't but i want to believe in this.
I do believe his deserve my love and my soul.

I want to believe than he hurt me now to love me harder soon.
But i can't believe in that.
I'm not a believer.
I don't have faith.

Which one is the worst,
Having our heart broken or broke the heart of someone else?
Hard question.

The one who breaks a heart has his heart broken?
Or it is just pure wickedness.
Do we even do it on purpose?

Your heart is broken so by revenge you break the heart of somebody
who gives you his?
Or is it rejection?
Protection?
Fear?

We don't want to feel this way anymore so we close our heart, to anyone, coldly, without guilt, for our own good?

I hurt myself today to see if i still feel,
I focus on the physical pain the only thing that's real .

I tried to **** all the memories,
But i remember everything.

You are now someone else,
But i am still the same.