it's easier to point out my flaws rather than the tear stains on my cheecks

my eyes are still stained red
from every moment you weren't
there for me when I was lost
in my own head

I lost myself in the ways that I tried to love you
& I lost myself in the ways that I tried to make you love me

I lost myself through bruised knuckles
& blood-stained wrists

I lost myself that time, at your friend’s house, when I said no,
& you didn’t listen

I lost myself in our endless fights
& how you always made me feel like it was my fault

I lost myself the night you grabbed me in the arena
& left “your mark” for two weeks

I found myself the day we said goodbye
& it felt like I could breathe again

I found myself when then the scars started to fade
& the bruises disappeared

I found myself when your words no longer haunted me
& the thought of you didn’t break my heart anymore

I found myself when I stopped thinking about you
& started thinking about myself