Took the 17 down nicollet
Passed the City Center
Passing time
Passing men on the streets with an open guitar case
Passed the kids with their skateboards
Passed the guys covered in ink playing fight night on the street

Fifth street
Yellow cord
Brake peddle
Bus stop
Sidewalk

The sharks fight the jets
Romeo goes to Juliet
Old men with canes talk on their cell phones
Nicollet and 4th feels a little heavy tonight
11:47 comes my bus

Down 4th ave
Passing time
Passing the former home of the Twins
Passed the cops with their lights on
Passed some kids in their visors

Red light
Doswell street
Yellow cord
Brake peddle
Bus stop
Sidewalk

Out on the street
Street lamps glow fluorescent
New moon fixed in the stars
Tilted, slightly

The tweakers stay in the shack down the block
They’ve got the rocks in their socks
And they’re sleeping on the carpet
Welcome mat turned over
Shades drawn tight
And an icy cold feeling runs in their veins
And they roll back into a dream

Apartment building
Stairwell
Door 10
Living room.

Those in glass houses
Shouldn't throw stones
But I never cared
Let's break a few bones

Let's shatter these windows,
And smash through the wall
I'll throw the first stone
And I'll break it all

Entropy happens,
So let's speed it up
Let go the fury
As it erupts

Now there's no stopping
This avalanche rolls
Now stand here and watch
As the rush takes it toll.

I am hollow
I am rage
I am mortal man in cage.

I am peak
I am chasm
I am grotesque ******.

I am hot
I am cold
I am broken, all told.

I think it's coming back
My scary thoughts
My burning temptations
And as I sink further into this couch
I want to sink even further
I don't know what's wrong with me
I know what makes me sad
But I don't know why it makes me this sad
Why do things keep happening to me
It's never ending
And I don't understand why
Why can't I just go on with my life
Why do I crave sad songs and lasting tears
And why do I have to feel sad to feel inspired
Why can't I be inspired when I'm happy

I always feel restrained
I crave outside
I crave the sky, the wind, the birds, and the trees
I wish I could write with my eyes closed
To truly write what I see, feel, fear, and dream of
I want to float into the sky
But at the same time I want to sink to the bottom of the ocean
Because I want to be free
But I don't know if that means living or dying
I want things to make sense again
I want to make sense again
They don't get it
Sometimes I don't even get it
My mind is so confusing that I have to take a breath
And try to move forward with it

Why does the ocean floor feel so inviting
Why do the dark nights and empty spaces give me so much peace
I like being alone
I like not wanting to see anyone
I take steps back and watch everyone ahead of me
I try to figure out what's going on
And why I am so different
But I can never seem to figure it out
And I know life was never meant to be easy or simple
But I know life was never meant to be empty or dangerous

I'm dangerous
I need to escape my mind
Because it controls everything I do
And that's the problem with human bodies
Mind over matter always wins
And by the time we realize what matters
It's too late
My mind always wins
But I always lose

Everything is so hard,

to know what's right
but to do what's wrong

is the nature of creatures,
low and high

no need
for racial, gender
slurs or stereotypes

you've got your desires
and I've got mine;
amidst our starry eyes,

there are demons inside

no need to shove me,
no need to
make me cry,

your presence
is enough,
to wither me away inside

but sometimes
I feel like
wanting to fight back,

because we all deserve a new
day to live,
and who are
you to take that day,

when you only take,
but

don’t know how to give,

it may not be your fault
that you turned out this way,

but I’ll tell you
it certainly
wasn’t my fault either,

so who are you to say
that
I’ve got problems, flaws,

and you’ll break me
to the bone,
when you too

have always
been alone, dry and empty,

always left on your own,

but somehow it makes
you feel better

to hurl
insults carved in stones,

instead of
reaching out

and finding others
to be with
so you wouldn’t ever

have to be alone.

Alone I am in the nights.
In the days.
In my mind.

I move I fall.
People watch and laugh.
But I stand up again.
No.
Nothing is gonna stop me.

I run I leap.
People look and jeer.
But I don't stop.
No.
I will not rest.

I spin I stretch.
People look and sneer.
But I dance on.
No.
I will do it.

I breathe I sing.
People look and stare.
But I ignore.
No.
No!

This is my dream.
My world.
My life.
No matter the pain it takes.
No matter the hurt it brings.
I will not give in.
I will not give up.

Searching, rummaging through slides of memories,
Hoping to find her place of sanctuary.

The need for love, for ultimate acceptance,
The warmth of family of own bloods presence.

Alone, burrowed in her hopes and dreams,
A heart empty, broken at its seams.

Despite the failed promises and torn wishes,
She carves and stitches the shattered pieces.

I throw my phone,
Crashing against the wall.
I cry,
And scream again.

My hand shaking,
I reach into an open fridge.
Slamming the fridge door shut,
Till i hear the crack from a fractured bone.

I clutch myself too hard till it left bruises,
Dragging my nails down my arm backs.

I sit on a brand new carpet,
A room neat as a pin.
Carve her initials into my ankles,
Angled lines rough letters like a child draws.

Just a voice in my head,
telling myself;
I never want to see her again
Cradling my ankle the letters bead up with blood.