A ghost of him was left behind
But he’s not really there
There he goes again
Leaving me with an empty conversation
“How was your day?”
No response
This is feeling more and more degrading
He left me there alone again
To find another
But what if I don’t want another
I wanted him
No one else
But now here I am
Stuck with the ghost of him

You took everything from me
and gave it to her
you took our conversations
and had the same ones with her
you took our inside jokes
and made her think she came up with them
but worst of all
you gave her my nickname
the one you used to call me all the time
the one that used to remind me of you when someone called me it
but now it just reminds me of your relationship with her
you gave her my nickname
and it felt like a string had snapped
the last piece of what held us together
its all gone
you gave it all to her

Here is my heart
it is half shattered because of others
I tried to stitch up the glass
but a needle and thread doesn't work with glass
a glass heart cant be fixed with a needle and thread
it can be fixed with tape
but it'll never truly go back to normal
it'll truly never heal
I would try to use other glass
but I'd have to take glass from another heart
so I don't choose to break another ones heart
a glass heart cant be truly ever fixed
neither can a normal one though
my heart feels as if its a glass heart
one that has already been half shattered

yes I did it
I messaged him
I can tell
he's mad at me
I'm not upset that he hates me
I'm upset I ruined it
a friendship that could've lasted
I mourn our full conversations
and our inside jokes
I mourn the loss of what could have lasted longer than it did
I fear I look for him in every person I meet
hoping to find someone like him
but its useless
there will never be another
just like him

I was over it
over you
then there it was
a notification from you
a text message
I overthink about what that random subtle "hello" meant
why were you texting me?
why would you feel the need to text me?
I sit there staring at the conversation that could've been
should I text you again?
should I ask you to hang out?
this is when I realized
I'm not over you
Ive never been over you
and I wont ever be over you
I feel the need to text you back
perhaps I'll get a full sentence response this time
months since I have seen your notification
and there it was
on my screen
a thousand feelings all at once
its crazy what one message could do to a person
its crazy how much I could miss ones presence
why would you text me?
now of all times

I’m not pretty
I’ve never been pretty
And I doubt I’ll ever be
I compare myself to other girls
The ones with flat stomachs
And skinny waists
The waists I try to get
I starve myself
I only eat around people I care about
So they won’t worry
I compare myself to the girls with the pretty hair
The brunettes and the blondes
I yearn to be like them
I compare myself to the girls with the better face shapes
The ones I try to be with makeup
I compare myself to the girls with prettier faces
The ones with better skin
The ones with whiter teeth
The ones with fuller chests
Cause I know
I know
I’ll never be like them

I relapsed last night
Which is weird
Cause I promised myself I wouldn’t
I couldn’t
But there it was
The blood on my finger
Flowing like a waterfall
There it is
A constant reminder
A reminder of how I don’t want to be on this earth
A reminder of how I wasn’t tough enough to talk about it
A reminder of how sick I was
A reminder of how sick I am
Not physically
But mentally
I miss the happy person I used to be
But was I really ever happy
Or did I just use distractions
I relapsed
Again