Utopia!

A mirage in the desert heat.
My eyes did lift.
My heart did meet.
My mind did drift to foreign climes.
The desert heat.
It charred my feet.

Palm trees graced a distant scene.
Arab man on fiery steed.
As if stepped out of a dream.
Hell in hell.
Methinks this maybe heaven sent.
Perhaps, I think that this must be meant.

And horror of horror.
The heat it burned.
Menopausal night sweats.
They turned.
Into sweating night dreams.
The early light, this early light.
Locked my sweet dream out of sight!
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

1.
small talk
legs flayed
she says
nothing

a lady
says nothing

right foot on the dreaming wall
shift,

2.
she says i
could have been a son

tap the ***** bone, twice

will my knee,
ankle bend, sweet tooth?

point out where
the corners *****

here, bare

3.
I hate how everyone here has
two fif teens
four thur tees

I have no time
and half a poem

4.
will you be here?
one *** em

5.
the hills know i
could have been a son

my chest is sharp i
am not soft like her

i cannot hold this pose
as long

So come.

6.
prodigal who?
placeless,

desperate curve
hug the lonely back

it's one for tee.

7.
no hills. no
streams no trees no
arms
no fingered palms inside me

useless curve,
reach.

8.

i am the sun

lunchtime, my
appointment

tomorrow, placeless
prodigal

one *** em, when
I am softest when all
edges are hot to burn

softness you want to hold
but won't.

It’s constant battle between your mind and your chest.
Which one is holding the reigns?
That’s easy enough to know -which one is buzzing more ?
Are your ribs rattling or is your head swollen?
Can you not think straight or have you got blinders over your eyes?
Maybe both?

Have you let your feelings taint your thoughts?
Have you too sweat through sleepless nights
courting delusion, tasting insanity on your tongue?
Have you mumbled "well at least, I feel alive"
Did you feel ashamed of this authenticity?
Have you bargained for meaning?


Did "but I love him" tickle your teeth time & time again?
Were you screaming inside…?
Did your skull tell you to shut the **** up?
and did you listen? Could you?

Did you let your desire die?
Did you forget that feeling?
(***, primal, I crave intimacy
Adorn me with your burdens
Feed me what makes you alive
I am human too!)
Could he not see it?
Was this vulnerability not beautiful enough?

Did you beg one last time?
Just once more.
Love me, love me.
I’m carrying dust in my chest.
I’m composed of particles of me and you.

I was full of feelings, naked sentiments
that brought meaning to the electromagnetic field.
I saw it all for once, burning my perceptive orbs.
And then I gave up.
I gouged out my ******* eyes
Traitors, betrayal to the brain!

Did you empty out?
Did you carry a heavy void about for a month or two?
Does it still sting to stare?
Did you cower to complacencey,
bowing down to the boring humdrums of I’m okay ?

You know what I’m talking about.
Keep that beating heart in it’s place, lest it overwhelm your brain.
Don’t let them meet up because God knows, united they’ll stand
and divided you’ll fall.

There is a moment that repeats throughout my life.
Every time I encounter it,
I am brought to tears of wonder.
Both sad and happy
Free and also confined,
I begin to remember all the amazing things I have done
All the beautiful things I have seen,
And a thought forms...
I realize...
"I know nothing..."
            ...
And I am lifted...

i am that spark that ignites your desire
that which fuels your madness.
i am the explosion of your senses
the explicit insult to your feeble needs.
of mind and body, result or not.
i am the force within your planetary resolve
not gravity. nothing of the kind.
i am that which streaks in the sky
a dying star, i am not. to feeble, i think.
i am that which siphons your resistance
the strength of a thousand black holes, i have.
i am that which reasons with your soul
for your body is too weak.
i am that which is enthroned atop your passion
its master and commander.
i am the continuous peal of deafening thunder
that plagues your wild fantasies.
i am your fear
you are at my mercy, i come when i please.
i am the scandle of your life
you dare not whisper of my existance.
i am that unknown
which you seek with feverish want.
i am not yours to keep
not yours to have.
i am that which eludes you
the fruit above Tantalus'head, the water at his feet.
i am.........
that which i will never know, that which you cannot know.
for i am incomplete.
and i am just beginning.............

You said, “Ask me what I am thinking”
Obediently I did
Swiftly you kissed me
Tongue, lips, all of it.
And suddenly,
I felt
E v e r y t h i n g.

Chills up my spine
Arm hair raised
Stiff and straight
Senses heightened
Heart beating
Stampeding
Like a band of thoroughbreds racing.
Intense sensations
Swarms of tingling and tickling
Like someone softly blowing
On the back of my naked neck.

A shock wave of pleasure
Feelings immeasurable
To anything I’ve experienced.
This was no ordinary kiss
Warm, gentle, firm
Just enough wetness
To keep motion fluid.

Lasting only 10 seconds
But feeling endless
Like falling into an abyss
A bottomless pit
Deeper and deeper
Rapidly dropping
Picking up speed

Until your hands released my cheeks
And all the warmth left me.
Overtaken by an icy breeze
Compared to the heat I was just feeling.
Like pulling covers abruptly off a body
While in the middle of a slumber.

I never liked the feelings of being stripped
Unwillingly, unexpectedly
Especially
When the everything was so inviting.

You kissed me without permission
Then the position I was put in
Decisions I had to make quickly after
Because what I say now
Outlines our future
Defines our label
Of each other.

You put that pressure
Onto me
I wanted nothing of that responsibly
At least not to that degree
Don’t ask that to me
To state what I think we should be.

10 seconds ago
I only asked what you were thinking
I was unaware,
Completely unprepared
To know I would be deciding
The fate of our relationship
This now sinking ship.

I can swim
But I feel like I'm sinking
Having to live with the dreadful feeling
I’ve hurt another person again.

I got to be the lead
As I’d always dreamed
I never expected my role to be
Heart Breaker.

I want to go along with it,
Put up with the charades
Be the good actress
And pretend things didn't change
Say for your sake
I feel the same way.

But for this show to go on
For my role to be authentic
I must be honest.

I guess some friendships expire…

Even the best shows don't last forever
Enjoy the run for what it was
And say goodbye
Because it’s for the better.