small cheap rooms where you walk
down the hall to the
bathroom can seem romantic to
a young writer.
even the rejection slips are
amusing because you are sure that
you are
one of the best.

but while sitting there
looking across the room
at the portable typer
waiting for you on the table
you are really
in a sense
insane

as you wait for
one more night to arrive to sit and
type Immortal Words--but now you
just sit and think about it
on your first afternoon in a strange city.

looking over at the door you
almost
expect a beautiful woman to walk in.

being young
helps get you through
many senseless and terrible
days.

being old
does
too.

may 3 at 10:18am:
"and one more thing, i know you won't accept it, but i'm sorry. for everything. to you, and her. i know i can't fix anything, but the least i can do is repent for my mistakes."

you message my best friend
because i'm under the radar
and we don't really talk anymore
she keeps this a secret
because she knows any sign of you
will bring me back on my knees
begging for you to take me back
she cares too much for me
to let me put myself back in that position
she knows what you've done to me
she knows how you're my favorite brand of poison
so she keeps it quiet
until she thinks i'm over you
and then forwards me your message
so casually
like
"oh yeah, he says he's sorry"
AS IF YOU APOLOGIZING MEANS NOTHING
I KNOW SHE HAD GOOD INTENTIONS
BUT HOW COULD SHE KEEP THIS FROM ME
YOU SAYING SORRY
MEANS YOU REGRET
LETTING ME GO
MAYBE YOU STILL LOVE ME
MAYBE YOU WANT TO COME BACK
HOW COULD SHE KEEP THIS FROM ME
FOR 6 WHOLE MONTHS
HOW COULD SHE NOT TELL ME
WHEN EVERY SINGLE DAY
I LONG FOR A WORD FROM YOU
A SIGN
THAT I'M STILL ON YOUR MIND
HOW
COULD SHE
STEAL THE
ONE CHANCE I HAD
TO TAKE YOU BACK
YOU PROBABLY THINK
I STILL HATE YOU
THAT YOU'RE STILL UNFORGIVEN
...but love means never having to say you're sorry
i never needed an apology
even though i had to watch you leave
left me broken
left me for dead
but you're still the only thought
floating around in my head
babe, i forgive you
if that's all you need to hear
to come back to me
to come near
i forgive you
a thousand times over
i'll forgive you once more
if it means you'll come closer
what happened,
happened,
it's in the past
maybe we just weren't
meant to last
but set fire to that
and let's begin again
i want to be your lover
i want to be your friend
it's okay if you
want to take it slow
i have all the time in the world for you
just please, *please, don't go
i never thought
i'd even be a fleeting thought for you
and now, 6 months later
i realize
maybe you really do still care
maybe you want to give it another shot
i know it's not a lot
but it's a chance
one in a million
one gazillionth of a possibility
that you still want me
i'll gamble it all
i have nothing to lose
cause i lost all i had
when i lost *you

Doing is daring and daring
Is sometime an arrow in the bone

That creaks and skin runs apart
And stitches of fortitude don't dethaw forthwith!

The light you had will give you
Only shades and shadows of my souvenir

And your own mural will be despicable
Though you don't cower to see it!

If the leg of the compass doesn't work
When you struggle for diagrams,

Add to its its pivotal part and doodle
On sands then iimages will dance!