i admire him.
from the first moment
i caught his glimpse,
i've admired him.
a will so sheer and strong.
no armour would resist.
it's just that, when our eyes meet,
i feel a connection that runs so deep.
intelligent, benevolent and true,
these words are for you.
the loyal friend, the genuinest soulmate.
all i do, is for you.
i hope you get the meaning
behind all of the things i do;
i wish we'd already meet again,
so that my lips would never
feel so lonely again.
so my empty gaze
would have something to look happily at.
so you and i could
be together, forever,
as we'd promised each other,
time and time again.

face after face,
i put an X on your face.
cross out all of you wonders,
one wonder after another.
drown you in the spine fluid;
blend you in with the memories.
do not miss me, for i
was just a little phase.

a leaf falls onto the bench,
completely mute. you pick
it up, begging it to make a sound.
i wonder why, it won't work wonders;
i wonder why, has it fallen down,
i wonder why, are we all
just leaves, now
on the ground?

i hid in the dark,
i'm sorry it consumed you too.

oh my, oh my,
how deeply i want to die;
it's around here, it's over there,
i'm having an affair with death!
but he beats me & i'm scared,
my eyes fall out, my cheeks get crushed,
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie!
to disappear & not exist,
but to live, i persist;
because i love you, i do not,
oh, death, you really ****.
your skull is dull,
your eyes are dark,
your bones that touch
my crystal necklace,
and my amethyst lungs
filled with empty awe.
you repeat yourself,
over and over again
it ***** me in,
your words claim
"it'll be over", but
it will be over.
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie;
my reflection stares back
as i down another bottle.
not even smokes help,
instead of high there's a fog,
i do not eat, i eat too much,
im really sensitive,
no, im not.
oh! i am sorry,
but not for what i claim,
my other side's
got the best of me.
i wonder where
is the rest of me.

cigarette ashes
fly on the wind,
as i stare at my black coffee,
it gazes back at me.
black sobranie,
and i debate;
of all the people,
i find it hard to see
is there something
worth seeking.
just like dust,
i let them go
i never looked back
let them think i'm bore.
you may be
a world unseen,
yet i am so tired
no words flow well enough.
i'll just go lose myself
in paint and doubt
while i stare at my coffee,
and flit around.

i need to sit
and catch my breath
'cause i can't stand
what's going on,
i need a minute
to just hold on.
the world is too fast,
it's spinning about,
i need to stop,
oh, god, help me down.
i need to sit
and cry it out,
i wish emotions
would come out.
it's all blurry,
i'm always in a hurry,
i wish i could
just break the clock
that's ticking down,
make the time
count down.
'cause god, i need to breathe,
but these things
are killing me.
oh god, just one breath,
in the rain, i suffocate.
it all comes down,
it's crashing now,
but i just sit
and try to breathe.

but what's the cost?
i'm picking the good choice,
so why is it picking back at me?

i was told to water my
silly little flowers
even though they've withered.
they bowed down, all the way
to the silly little ground.
but i think
i should just cut them,
deprive those stupid snakes of life.
because the dead flowers bit me,
and their poison still runs in my mind.
sometimes, i think that
the unseen flowers of evil
will be the last thing i'll see.

so, god help me,
if i don't deprive
these meaningless flowers

of life.

give me a reason to exist
numbing the pain, i persist
to go on, even if it's meaningless
and even if i've never felt less

take my hand
now crush it, let me die
hoarding the skies of Neverland
let me live a beautiful lie

the sky is dull, my life's on line
to paint the sky, i must try
so it can be a miracle and shine
and i can finally go on and cry

i like the lies you tell
your lips convince me as you speak
i let the truth escape and leak
you caught me, but that's why i fell

soft footsteps in my ears
a melodic pain, in my head
her gaze at my back
and her hand
on my shoulders

and so, death sits
next to me,
keeping me company

and so, death weeps and laughs,
it's driving me mad.
her hazy cries and whimpers;
they're tearing me apart

she mimics my gait
i'm losing my faith
i'm starting to steep,
i've never been so weak

poetry, poetry;
my little fairy,
i cut open my wrist
and lovely daisies blossomed!

poetry, tiny pretty ghost,
is it a good sign?
would you heal me, please?
i feel their roots in my veins...

poetry, you silly phantom,
it isn't pleasant anymore!
they're ******* my blood,
there's vultures in my bloodflow.

poetry, silver fanged wraith,
your roots are in my bones,
it's a temple crushing down.
the past is hunting me down.

poetry, my little fairy.
i'm nothing more than dust.
i love you, but i fall apart.
you brought my old demons back.

poetry, my little fairy;
i cut my wrist open,
and lovely rotten daisies bloomed!

broken glass in my ****** hands
and everything we've been through
it cuts me deeper
my broken heart
in your hands,
i fall
apart

our masks crashed on the floor
losing interest in the stars
we're walking away from our dreams
we'll walk off from the galaxy

i might numb the pain down
i might burn the sorrow away
i might scream the desperation away
i might make the misery drown

let's fall face down to the floor
let's dance off a cliff
and then fly away
and then dissolve away

let's wake up,
or let's never wake up again

let our tears light our way
or come into the way of our light.

let me numb the pain away
let me walk the stars
let me visit the sun
and inhabit the moon

let me never
ever
feel
this
again

Baby, the sun is setting down
And I'm done taking chances;
I promise not to make a sound,
Let's communicate with soft glances.

I've been on a run, just like you
A getaway from me,
Just like you.

I'd like to leave a note,
A soft goodbye.

But Fate won't let me,
Said we tied a knot.

You and me,
Versus all of the odds.

Nobody knows,
But neither do we.

For you and I,
We just used to be.

And so, I'll be calm for now
With the knowledge that sings me to sleep,
A sweet lullaby, for just you and me.

This time,
I will let Fate
Do her own thing

And sing me to sleep,
Amongst the salty tears.

moon, you brutal lover,
keeping all of my secrets
yet never sharing yours.

still, i find comfort when I'm with you;
my solitude and sorrow
merging with your soft light
slowly turning into one

show me yourself
i need you right now
i'm fading away

don't be shy,
you're the one
who knows who i am

because tonight
your company is my only medicine

pretty, pretty
what a pity;
they say it's pretty stupid,
but i got hit by Cupid

pretty silly,
and i like it, really

i want your presence
which floods me like waves on a stormy morning,
unforeseen and dangerous, swinging my base of life

can i steal a hug?
or a moment of your time?
just to tell you that
i see and seek your heart,
even for seconds,
if you could be mine...

if you'd turn your gaze to me,
hell, why won't you look at me?
hell, when did we grow apart?

i remember chasing each other
when the time wasn't right,
but will there ever come our time?

won't you look at me, look at me now?

if we can go back...
to how we used to be
before we
and i
fell
apart

hidden, hidden
riddle me a riddle
your nails so black
rest on your face
while you're looking away,
a wondering gaze

it's like i can almost hear your mind
struggling to figure out;
"four feet, one heart, no spines, a turning clock",
you try the taste of the words

it is where I'm taking you, and me

together

one heart,
I'll do it
in the name
of love

i could be the best actor
pretend i don't care

but it's all in vain
when you are not
looking at my stage

and in the dark
you long for your muse;
calling her name
needing her to inspire you

to embolden the blood in your veins
to embrace the void in your eyes

to flip your world around,

to fill your soul with love

you long for your muse.

soft cries
in your arms
silky layers
covering our secrets
murmuring words of
affection and love
let's be together,
your hand in mine
until the world is gone

I'm blooming.
This path, I've chosen it myself;
And though your footsteps are still fresh in my garden,
And I still see your siluette in the moonlight,
I shall not let the memories define me.

The grass once stomped, will recover.
Your shadows are slowly fading.
No more will I let your darkness grow in my heart.

I'm letting go, and I'm blooming.
The breeze relaxes me instead of sending shivers down my body,
Instead of reminding me of your cold winds, orbiting my neck.
Slowly pressuring it in the darkness.

Until the red sun rises, and the sounds of the darkness and solitude quiet down. Until the cherry blossom wakes up again. Until my rotten flowers die and they get replaced by new ones.

Until then, I'll be waiting.

I'll be waiting,

Until I bloom.

There was no place like your eyes

A pool-depth full of lies

my hands
are turning cold and dull
you're becoming blurry
my thoughts, I cannot follow
the sky is our limit, made to be surpassed

finally I'm fading,
for years I've been waiting

Your dazzling light
Was all I saw,
All I remember.

The image is burning
In my mind everyday,
Stamped by your words
In my canvas of misery.

And so, at last,
Hell's flame you left in me
Will never leave my head
The way you left me.

I'm feeling
Like an empty shell
But the core
Of nothingness
Is made out of
Pure sorrow

Empty
Is that the word?
It doesn't describe me
Hell, nothing does...
So I'll just
Keep doing
What I know best;

It's pretending
That I'm normal, even though
I am well aware that I'm not
And I was never near being normal
And I cannot be described by normal words

Empty...
Nostalgic. Melancholic. Sad. Depressed. Abyss. Apathy. Darkness.
Pretending to be
All that I'm not.
But, I don't know, what am I?

Empty...
Empty words can describe me.
But I cannot choose them myself;
If I could, what would I choose?
Maybe...
Dead?

I'm tired.
Exhausted.
Empty, inside.
Dead, inside.
Unable to be
The real me.

And it's wearing me down.
Every time I disappoint you.
Every time I'm empty.
Every time I'm not what I should be.
When I'm not enough.
And when I'm too much.

Empty words, empty head, empty promises, empty purpose, empty meaning, empty feelings.
Is that what you bring me down to?
Is that how you see me?
Empty, of humanity?

The words are echoing in my ears.
Empty.
That's the room I sit in.
That's the life I lead.
Maybe that's me.
Perhaps it is, when you don't see what I see.

Empty.
Happy, joyful, worryless.
Perfect, pretty, shallow.
Skillful, amazing, badass.
Crazy, mad, fun, reckless.
...but empty.

It's a mark you've made.
Are you happy?
That I'm empty?
That I'm turning into you?
Are you empty?
But am I?

A lot of people see me differently,
Like I just wrote.
Each line for one me.
Wait, I write?
Why didn't you write it down?
Because I had to write, EMPTY, twice?

So are you looking
At this empty moon tonight?
Are you staring at the starless sky?
Are you partying in your empty house?
Are you crying, in your room, or in  your empty soul?

Have you been feeling empty recently?
Is it contagious?
Do you feel sorry?
Did you mean everything you told me?
Did this world mean to hurt me?

Am I empty?
Is the world empty?
What's my empty purpose?
Is it to be empty?
Is it to be me,
Or is it to be you?

pain
changes us
and pain
must exist
or you'll feel
like you've never
lived

i had learnt that
a "today" has to be blurry,
filled with gray clouds, and painful,
so that your "tomorrow" can be bright;
happy, without worries,
full of hope and delight,
but
every day is "today"
and "tomorrow"
is always out of touch, out of reach,
painfully untouchable
because tomorrow is always
the next day, postponed,
as every joy turns into dark,
as every tomorrow becomes
a today.