Alone
Alone
Alone
I think I’m going crazy
Talking to myself
Questioning if I’m even alive
Hurting myself to see if I can even feel
Alone
Alone
Alone
Me and the sound of the air conditioner buzzing
Me and my million thoughts that all drown each other out
And it’s summer
I’m supposed to be happy
But I’m broken
Broken and
Alone
Alone
Alone
I just want someone to answer the **** phone
And I’m just so ******* sad
So so sad
And when people are sad they’re supposed to ******* cry
But my eyes are dry
Dry and sad
Sad and
Alone
Alone
Alone
I wanna see red pour down my body
The color to make me feel alive
Vibrant unlike my head which seems grey
Grey grey grey
Did you know grey is my least favorite color?
It feels so empty
Empty and
Alone
Alone
Alone
Like me
I’m my least favorite too
And I just slapped myself
My cheeks burn
And I want someone to reach out and stop me
But no
I’m just so utterly
Alone
Alone
Alone

Depression's a *****
Won't leave me alone
It thinks that my body is her home
And no matter how many times I assure her
No
She just keeps coming right back
Each time stronger than before

And my entire body
Is overwhelmed
By pain
Depression

My heart
Brain
Wrists
All so ready to
Just
Give
Out

And I'm cold in my bed
Tired
Pillow covered in tears because that's where they're used to falling
And I just want to be loved

And I know I am by my friends
And my family
But I want to be stuck in someone's head
And I want them to rub my arm and make me a little bit less cold
And maybe have my tears land on their shoulder instead

I want to be the poem and not the poet for once

I dress pretty feminine I guess
I mean I think I do
But the thought of being called a them makes me smile too

I love dresses
They're comfortable
I feel confident
Or at least more than I do in sweatpants
But sometimes I hate the circular things on my chest
Part of me wishes they were something else
But I'm a girl
Yes yes
Probably

Yeah
I love putting eyeshadow on
The colors make me happy guess
But then again
Part of me really wants to cut my hair short
Have a deep voice
And when someone calls me a she
The tiniest part of me wishes I wouldn't be
Probably nothing right?

But I don't really know
I don't think I'm right there in the middle
That's for sure
After all I like skirts
But I also sit like a guy sometimes
And it feels good
It feels in between
But no no no
I'm probably not
This is probably nothing
Probably

Most of me loves my name
I mean I know it's pretty
It's a vine
It's beautiful
It's nature
I love nature
But it's so feminine
But I guess it's okay
It's probably okay
I think this is fine
Whatever
I'm probably overreacting anyway
I don't need this now too

I'm a girl
That's what I've always been
Probably
Probably
Probably

And after years of abuse
I'm still the one ending up feeling guilty
And wondering if he was right
And this was all just in my head

"what do you wanna do, Liana?"
My mom asks me

"Death"
I respond


"Do you want to eat something?"

"No, I just want to die"


"What are you thinking about?"

"My death"

She laughs
Smiles
She doesn't understand
She doesn't want to understand I'm not joking
When I'm telling her

"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
She asks

"I don't want a tomorrow. I want to die"
I answer

She giggles
"That's not an option" she chuckles
She doesn't know