Am I a poor sister,
for constantly pushing them away,
in for losing my temper too easily?

they'll ask me to check the closet,
or underneath their beds,
"there's a monster".

but it makes me wonder,
maybe the true monster is me.

Your eyes speak to me,
Whisperings of lust,
I view the tragedy,
With my love fufilled eyes.

I miss your skin and the warmth it held,
And its power to warm me in the coldest mornings.
I miss your doe eyes full of care,
Gorgeously painted by an angel.
I miss your old apartment we'd hang out at,
which us more comforting than my own home.
But at the same time, I dont.
I don't miss worrying when my texts were left unread,
and I don't miss worrying when you hung out with that one girl,
Then again I'll still think of you daily
(and I may never stop..)

I knew that you planned to leave,
after all my text were left unread,
And you'd stop calling me every night,
it spoke the word you were afraid to,
so I did for you,
asking you why,
what had gone wrong,
And if it was my fault,
but you apologized,
and said it was you,
not me,
which I knew was a lie,
but you just didn't have the heart,
to tell me what we both knew was true.

Sometimes I wish you were a bad person,
As if you'd have hit or yelled,
Or tried to make me feel poorly about myself,
Or do anything wrong at the slightest,
But you never did,
Rather, you had showed me what love is,
Writing notes that I still read some nights,
Holding my hands or kissing my lips,
All the small things you done for me,
Make me miss you more everyday.
But I know if you were a bad person,
It wouldn't hurt so bad anymore.

I've always told my family about you,
how beautiful, how funny, how smart,
but my favorite topic was your heart,
how kind, how loving, how empathetic,
And, always emphasize how large the size of your heart was,
how substainable, how extensive, how significant,
but it took me months to finally see,
how blind, how dumb, how it inattentive,
your heart was too big,
it could fit her, too.

You tell me you'll love me forever,
More than anything,
forever.
maybe "forever" meant something else to you,
like "until next month".
unfortunately when I promised forever,
I meant the "forever" kind of forever.

You told me you missed me,
but that was a lie,
because the only thing you missed,
was the ability to play with my mind.

I listen to break up songs full of hatred and rage,
wondering if you listen to the same songs and think of me,
but I hope you don't, since I had wanted to be with you until old age,
unfortunately for the best, I was forced to set you free.

for over a year I was in love with you,
And I thought we were swans,
perfect and forever,
but, really,
someone else was your swan,
now that I've stepped away,
I realize maybe I NEVER was YOUR swan

maybe it was me,
was it my very presence,
stopping you from light,
The light that gave you reason,
to finally live.

My scars re-open,
Every time I hear your name,
I wish that they would just heal.

Fck you for hurting me when you promised you never would.

Fck you for being so inconsiderate.

Fck you for not trying to fix us, instead, leaving.

Fck you for not being my friend after, like you said you would be.

Fck you for moving an hour away.

Fck you for making all my favorite songs, TV shows, and movies make me think of you.

Fck you for being my dream.

Fck you for my whole family knowing and talking about you like it doesn't hurt.

Fck you for being okay without me.

Fck you for making me fall in love with you.

All I ever did wrong,
was truly care about you too deeply,
thinking about you while listening to any love song,
I treated you like a key to finally being a human,
but I realize you never were the key,
instead you were the whole lock,
The law to the door that would have told me.

how could you look at me,
with your bright green eyes,
yet so dark,
and so addicting,
and act like that look,
wasn't the very same look,
that you'd given to me,
when we were in love?

You are my mind anymore;
In each fold and crack,
lies you and our memories

Do you ever look in the mirror,
and your eyes magnetize to the piercing,
on the right side of your nose,
and remind you,
that we got them together?
(i do.)

everyone tells me the same thing,
"remember why you two split",
but how am I expected to think of that,
when all I can see if my perfect fit

some mornings I pretend you're here,
walking with me to the gas station,
for a Red Bull and Snickers,
but only buying one for myself.

some afternoons I pretend you're here,
sitting with me on the damp grass,
watching as the cars pass by,
wondering if you were in one of them.

some nights I pretend you're here,
I whisper that I love you,
and tell you about my day,
but not hearing about yours in return.

I miss your warmth,
but not only the physical warmth,
that boil under your skin,
like it was made to warm me in cool nights,
but the warm thing your smile,
in the words you spoke to me, too,
but I'm not supposed to miss your warmth,
since you are the one to catch me fire

nobody wants to hear my cries,
or the whispers of my aching heart,
I hope that maybe soon my heart dies,
so I no longer have to carry the guilt of things that I have not done,
I wait for the day I don't have to care,
can flea from every issue,
faster than a cheetah can even dream to run,
but even when my brain repeats,
like a broken record of all the things that once went wrong,
I wipe my own tears in the car's backseat,
because nothing in life is ever that significant,
or never should be, to me anyway,
but unfortunately you were truly magnificent.