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 Apr 2018 Hannah Marr
aslan
mess
 Apr 2018 Hannah Marr
aslan
Yeah,
I’m a little ******* up
But I’m not sure you’ll ever understand
Just how much
I’m dealing with my own demons—
They’re mine, not yours—
And you should just leave me alone
Leave me be
Go away
I want to be alone right now
I hide behind my poetry, divided
I hide behind my music, my raps
Empathy is just a joke these days
You don’t really know what I’m going through
So please,
GO AWAY
LEAVE ME ALONE…
D O N T
L E A V E
M E
alone.
inspired by Kitchen Sink//Twenty One Pilots
I've never had faith in the human race,
I've stayed up so many late nights in heated debates,
Arguing about the meaning of life.
My thoughts. There isn't one.
That's the reason I come so close every time I try,
The knife in my room pressed to my skin,
I try but don't have the strength to drag it.
I don't want it to be superficial, if I make the cut there's no going back,
But my will is softer than my tissue.

I wish I believed in God,
I wish he could give my life meaning,
Because I need a miracle to make it out this year.
Even if he exists and is looking down on me now,
Even if everyone I knew is rooting for me from above,
I don't deserve my spot there.

The only thing that keeps me going,
Is that somewhere out there, there's a name written in the stars
And I hope it's yours.

The only thing keeping a hopeless romantic alive.
Love.
 Apr 2018 Hannah Marr
欣快
can’t tell at all if these thoughts are even mine, smoothing my hair out
on the lawn while the sun kisses our skin and we lay around
Spring is getting swept away and the asphalt is as hot as you
heat circumventing every shade of skinny leaved trees
and our truant is every bit of rebellion i need to escape myself
these neon signs are open and i still want steal time with you
just like the weather did and be full to the brim of light
want to dream again if this day is one, and daydream all the stinging away
That pathway to paradise with an open door
Where illusions can stumble souls
A cunning smile awaits at every turn
Within a feeble traumatic mind .
Deluding every step you make
Building your hope on desert sand
A whirlwind with impulsive light
Carrys you away to a world unknown.
And like a cork you are tossed into the waves
Now land awaits with solid ground.
Then truth will emerge to take you home
Reality  will greet you with her open arms
Then life will take its glories flight.
The deception of your heart will change
And erase the mirage from your eyes.
True colours will emerge again
And then you will smile for real this time.
Everyone is searching for that ideal but some times things are not always
What they seem And what we hope for .Hence not all that glitter is made of Gold.
The years they fly and time is no friend
And those bruises you feel will never heal
Colours may fade with the passing of days
And uncertainty waits at your door .
Long gone the joys of  love along with youth
Those memories leave many scars .
Then alas their comes a sudden change
From winter cold to a summer's day
Rising above like the mist at dawn
The future had turned another page
Setting the scene for a brighter sky .
Yes hearts can be broken but also repaired
So reach for the clouds you are a bird in flight
Spread your wings to glide with the wind
The past it has gone and is now erased
All that you lost has now been regained.
Those days of youth can be full of joy. Also along with joy can bring many challenges More for some than others .when love goes wrong it can be heart breaking. But as time moves on in most instancys things work out for the best and that feeling of hope is there.
5 Sensory Deprivation Relevations  (Happy Birthday Will Shakespeare)


I     the smell of sad

odor colorless like *****, similar familiar sidewinder effects,
musty invasive, it has no specificity, no locale centrale, well closeted,
saddling saddlng, in place, plain sighted better to toy our lives,
pervades persists, worse lingers, impervious to sprays
and even everyone’s good literature (even Will’s)
good wishes good intentions and mood prayers
to the nearest lay god
on duty at the spiritual emergency room on weekends,
stink

don’t think that this poem is for you; solely for the writer,
your doppelgänger ******, your mirror’s inside hiding out place,
I, who has your sadness smell into my skin cells crept
waft woof and warp wet weft-woven
into the sad receptacles hidden in my
head’s cubbies and the palms of my tree hands-covering face


there are cures so wonderful and inexpensive but unavailable
at the local Rite Aid, though they are the right aid recoverable,
so closer than close, so close that the internist
cannot prescribe them because he must inject himself first
because the live bacteria in the antidote can **** all

this odor lays down bamboo-strong roots;
to eradicate you must dig down deep,
six feet perhaps more, with heavy earth moving equipment,
uproot at the source, follow sad always all-the-way down and the root
great god gone,
but the saddest truth
stench odor yet present

II    the taste of joy

the joy of cooking is not a gene in my litany possess,
but the buttery taste of joy I know, I know,
it’s a real princess rarity,
the hard costs of finding and keeping it,
I’ve paid endlessly and willingly pay on

the taste of joy is like presents under the tree,
shock surprises delights lives/life, customized, infectious
(except for socks, no matter how joyously exceptional),
joy to those whose buds never blossomed for its taste
readable on some one else’s, anyone’s ****** expression

I think of it as the taste of fast traveling cumulus whites
upon my eyelashes blinking as they are speeding you by, but happy
for ten more behind before the evening stars takes over

the taste of joy is physical, there can be no denying,
concentrations can be found in the lips and the fingertips,
which you think of as a tandem, someone else’s on mine

but it ain’t necessarily so; the taste of joy, shared I, having submitted to others kisses carried on the wind that
found their mark and were well received,
poems from the heart
that arrive well,
as their intended is sleeping, and
as intended, as waking gifts

the taste of joy in droplet tears
when you are notified that words
you joined in holy matrimony made you cry,
because the reader did, wept for two,
the weeping of contentment released,
free at last from container confinement;
this particular taste of joy is in the  
recovery and recognition that these
are not for you,
just joy peculiar these tasted tears for whomsoever sheds them

III   the hearing of truthful

truth am told is oft served cold and hard up for the hearing,
best avoided tween noon and midnight and any time a
bathroom mirror is in the vicinity; though religious men lie
too easily; bathroom mirrors cannot; a character flaw for sure,
but the truth to be trusted is this: no one is truly contented, always there are the richer, the more famous, the employed and
someone above who has more, more burdens of a different sort,
better quality losses and pains unseen not dreamed of

truth tastes terrible and is awful sometimes noisy painful;
it hides well in the stink of sad exposed to the atmosphere when exposed it turns red humans blue

truth may set you free, free to be what are you are or truthfully
an admission of what greatness you have to release the trick is
use the correct scale, do not let the wrong sized ruler rule you,
the truth, if you hear, hear it unfiltered w/o the bias implanted
by not your people; hear your poet voice growl like a blues singer and be truthfully satisfied like no thing no person only you could hear it as you intended it be spoken

IV   touches of fantasy fantastic
secret confess: touch my fav cause when its juiced with
mental visions of what might be, it Saturday satisfies and let me weep happy smile silly and is mine all mind; yes another’s tip
has sorcerer powers of revelation
but alone by myself I yet
relevate
and flow; my hands are right sized, my arms reach around myself for so designed, and the pleasure is mine to give;
mine to take,
neither better or worse if self-administered,
touch myself anywhere anytime and fantasy over dreams wins,
rise up, touch is a language and I speak six or a hundred;
listen to the sounds of touching and be touched human

V  insights for the sightless

at last we close the deprived
with an elegant elevation
sight overrated when imagination exists,
cannot be restrained
this the revelation
you have proffered and preferred all this time

have pity on me
I crystallize the unseen with the replacements
of my conjuring
the other senses lend a hand
telling me look up look up, be life save life
let your madness blossom in the spring airs,
the coolness of a first fingered ungloved snow
sight,
a mathematical function from the other four derived,
sightless an impossibility for with one alone defeat the
sensory deprivation and give tongues to words

epilogue

read my face
incapable of,
deprivation
but how now silent bow my head to Will
for teaching the way of words
traced upon
a fool or a king's tongue,
two too human,
so that poet may ken
his senses keener,
all for the better,
for the betterment of all
and now you understand how came this poem to be writ
in the pitch black
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